Tuesday, December 08, 2009
I am back once again for the holidays, and as I have done in years past, it's time for a review of my life...and what needs to be done, in the never ending quest to become a better man.
Site Progress (2008, 2007)
A big thank you for visiting my blog. This site now generates around 30 pageloads a day, 5 of which are individual return visitors, with roughly 50% of unique hits coming from google. As this site matures, the frequency of new posts will decrease, but in turn the length and quality of the posts will increase and cover a broader range of topics each under it's own bolded subheading.
#1 Basic health and nutrition...Check
#2 Proper regular exercise, both strength and cardio...Check.
#3 Sleep cycle...Needs improvement.
#4 Social Connectivity...Needs improvement.
Given what I have been blessed with - a stable family, stable finances, a freaking million dollar scholarship, and a car to do the groceries, it's so so unbelievably stupid that I actually failed miserably at #1 and #2 throughout much of my youth. There are reasons for this, but they are too personal to share.
The End of 2009
2009 marks the end of a long spell of negative thoughts that clouded my mind with useless things not worth thinking about. It's better to live in the present, thinking and devoting mental effort to things that are really meaningful in life. I have to think about myself and what's best for me. And once I have taken care of myself appropriately, a solid platform from which to reach out ot others develops. It's easier to remember things about other people (naturally empathizing) if I myself am in a healthy physical and mental state. I had realized this by late 2008 (and blogged about it in Jan 2009), but didnt really have the fundamentals in place to ensure success in outreach initiatives - they ultimately did not go very far because of a lack of followup and true empathy (i was forgetting lots of things about people).
I really do not have any excuse for being socially isolated. I have had, and still have all the opportunities in the world to click and connect with people, but until I find the drive to reach out and truly connect... to "bond" so to speak, remembering things about people will be difficult. For to truly remember and think about others requires me to drop my ego and (mentally) accept/tolerate/understand/approach others. Outreach attempts throughout 2009 met with varying degrees of success. I tried to spend time with varying social groups but it proved to be too much to (mentally) handle, asides from the usual problems of time constraints.
E V O L U T I O N
Better outreach should give me more flexibility in the game of love. I have to find someone worthy. I want someone who has traits that I sense will be successful in the game of life. For the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. Physical, mental and emotional attributes are all considered, though being a guy I have to say that I am strongly biased to notice the positive abstract (ie. non-physical, mental, emotional, cultural) attributes of women who are physically attractive (subconsciously or consciously perceived to be fertile. ie. "hot"). I make friends with anyone and everyone without any racism, prejudice or bias but when it comes to the game of love, I simply cannot say the same. Feminist bigots like to criticize men for placing too much importance on looks yet are themselves every bit as judgmental on men who are perceived to be losers in the game of life. One reaches out to everyone. Boy and girl. There is no descrimination. No bias. No prejudice. Cherry picking is selfish. It is judgmental. It is biased. It is prejudiced. No mother tells her daughter to marry an ugly, frail, short, obese, wanky loser in life who couldnt hold a job. Every girl wants her prince charming, acceptably able bodied, a leader and a winner in life. This is the darwinian theory of natural selection in action. Good genes and good traits are valued in the game of life. Relevant to me at this moment in my life is the fact that men who are losers are unwanted in the game of love.
A lil bit of vanity will do me good. I've worn khakis and "uncle" shirts (slang for old outfashioned clothes that you'd find a middle aged man wearing) and plain white T's for long enough. I have completely neglected fashion for far too long. Underweight for many years, I had grown accustomed to wearing baggy shirts and khakis. Project RAM was a glowing success, and I had put on over 20kg this past year. Coming back to malaysia, I can now afford (clothes are too expensive in melbourne) to splurge somewhat on fashion. I am going to find clothes that highlight my developing secondary sexual characteristics (read: toned body). The idea is that by the time I return to melbourne, I would have refreshed my wardrobe to something more 21st century...and have the body to wear it with pride.
Of course, I will have to hit the gym, and throughout my stay in malaysia, I will be going to the gym every day. One day strength (barbells, dumbells, pullups etc) followed by one day of high powered aerobics (USMC circuit or swimming laps). The gym below my condo just opened. It's a really progressive place that places emphasis not only on strength but joint stability - with kettle bells and a few other exercises (one of which looks conspicously like manual labour). This is something I have been looking for since progressing from using strength training machines to free weights. Joint stability is very important!
Hanging out. "Lepak". Whatever you call it, there is no other way to building a social network. I am stuck at home this month. Friends are either working or not around...So it's imperative that I go out and mix and mingle. It's surprising how you meet new people. Mix and mingle with everyone FTW! A really pretty girl introduced herself to me recently. We clicked, but more importantly I also sense that we are compatible culturally and in matters of faith. Problem is, she's 15. Alarm bells went off in my head (Jailbait!!!). Kept on telling myself "no ezra. no." and didnt even ask for her number (though she asked for mine later). But the point is...15. So tempting. Must resist!
I just feel that I am on the right track. I need to take control of my life...kill the demons in me...expunge all the negative thoughts in my head...and live life to the fullest. Spiritual issues have also been completely resolved as 2009 came to an end, and from that solid platform I can focus on a healthy body, mind and social life.
A positive outlook on life.
A new perspective.