The Primitive Mind

NOTICE: the contents of this post may likely hurt some people. read with discretion. you have been warned. read carefully before commenting so you dont end up putting words in my mouth. I have made every attempt to make it as non-sexist and politically correct as possible. The next post will (likely) be related to this one, so please dont read too deeply into this post just yet. I write from experience and observation. I have not read any books on the topics raised in this post. If you detect any similarity with what you may have come across, it is purely coincidental.

The Primitive Mind and Inner Calm
The primitive mind knows when you are in control of your life, and you are taking care of yourself well, and you have a stable circle of friends. You will have inner calm.You may not see the connection between social activity and healthy eating habits, but it is real as the primitive mind is intrinsically involved in your eating habits. They are all inter-linked. Let's take the example of someone who is socially isolated: The primitive mind panics when it senses social isolation. You go into sympathetic overdrive and your health falters. You lose sleep. You lose the ability to focus and empathize. Your social wellbeing suffers. Your personality deteriorates. Your life's balance is thrown out of the window, you start eating less and your ability to provide for yourself suffers as well. You will have no inner calm.


The Game of Life

What does it really mean to be successful? To own lots of stuff? To feed oneself and one's family? To be spiritually strong? To fuck go forth and procreate with someone worthy to bear successful offspring? The apple does not fall far from the tree. Different people will have different agendas, but at the end of the day it serves to satisfy one primitive desire - success.


The Lie Of The Mind
Truth hurts. The reality of the world is that everyone is trying to be the best they can be. There can only be winners if there are losers - High paying jobs exist because they are low paying ones; Singles exist because nobody who was acceptably* attractive wanted to be in a relationship with them.

Of course, everyone also likes to think that they are right - or just playing along in the game of life. The rich executive doesnt think twice to pay his poor low level worker the "market rate". The attractive guy/girl doesnt give any chance to an unworthy girl/guy to empathize (and thus risking falling in love) with him/her.

At the other end of the spectrum, the low level worker may think to him/herself that "money doesnt buy happiness" to feel better about him/herself. True, money does not buy happiness...but it sure as hell doesnt buy sadness. The unattractive person on the other hand may say to himself/herself that "attractiveness" does not guarantee one would find love. True, attractiveness does not guarantee you will find love...but it sure as hell doesnt make it more difficult to do so.

"Happiness" cannot be quantified, but if we take suicide as an endpoint measurement of happiness, then we could quite conclusively say that poor people are less happy than rich people. The role of attractiveness in finding love is a bit more complex as people have different definitions of love and attractiveness. Sure, read the tabloids and you will find a zillion stories of attractive celebrities breaking up with one another. That is the rationale that some single people use to feel better about themselves. It is non-sequitur. Sure, attractive people break up - but they were in a (loving?) relationship to begin with; and they dont stay single for long! If us humans didnt prize/value/admire attractiveness, then the cosmetic surgery industry would close down...and the same people reading about the zillions of celebrity breakups would not be interested in celebrities in the first place! Yeah, I think Jessica Alba, Beyonce Knowles, and Miranda Kerr are attractive. Face the truth: Being attractive is pretty damn important to getting a partner you consider attractive. Show me one hot girl who is with a guy who is shorter and lighter than she is. I rest my case.

Some unattractive people eventually settle for what is available to them as they approach the age of desperation (30 and never been in a relationship). ie They did not have their choice selection of a partner. To feel better, they tell themselves that looks dont matter when it comes to love. This is very true though. Attractiveness really does not matter when it comes to true love. However, humans are picky with who they fall in love with. And dont forget that these people would have very much liked to have fallen love with a more attractive person...and only settled for who they did as they were desperate. Hence, attractiveness not mattering when it comes to love does not change the fact that people value attractiveness. There is a reason all the guys wanted to get to know more about the girl with the great set of TnA (tits and ass) who has a acceptable personality, in the same way all the girls wanted to get to know more about the guy who has proven that his genes are successful in life and he is thriving: healthy body. healthy mind. healthy social life. There is nothing more unattractive to girls than a short, shy, loser who cant seem to keep a job, feeds himself crap (his body will reflect this), doesnt seem to have any friends, wanks to tentacle porn every night, and cant seem to hold a decent conversation.

Let's not lie to ourselves. No, time is not an excuse. "Career" is not an excuse either. "Fate" is not an excuse for all ya religionists out there. It boggles my mind how some people tell themselves these things to justify why they are single. It's really quite sad because with such excuses excludes themselves from the dating game, and increases the chances they will remain single for longer. For girls, attractiveness/fertility eventually fades, making it even more difficult to find someone willing to fall in love with them - even though love is blind and looks dont matter. For guys, there is nothing more pathethic than the 40 year old virgin. Nuff said.

Everyone wants the best career they can get, and the best partners to produce offspring that are successful. Ok fine... you could probably exclude some people who generously chose to eliminate themselves from the gene pool. Such as monks and nuns, and the winners of the darwin award.

The primitive mind wants success.
The primitive mind values attractiveness.

You cannot deny this. It is human nature. To deny this would be to live a lie. To deny this publicly while secretly pursuing success/attractiveness...is bloody selfish hypocrisy. Sad to say I do know some people are like this. I have no respect for them.

*different people have different standards and ideas about this, so im leaving it open to whatever you, the reader considers attractive.


The Return Of The King.
It took me over two years living alone to realize the above, for some things have to be learned through experience. Through malnutrition I came to see the importance of providence. Through isolation I learned what it really meant to empathize. Through sleep deprivation I have taken to heart the importance of a healthy circadian rhythm.

The rose tinted glasses that shrouded my realities were finally shattered this year. As I overcame the lie of the mind, I found myself with the willpower, strength and vigor to make real changes to my life, my being. For the truth expunged the lie, and now, my mind is set. No more lies. I want to succeed, both romantically and in my career.

I want to find a nice girl to fall in love with. Someone whom I can relate to and who is also reasonably attractive. I want to be all I can be in my chosen career.

The primitive desire to succeed in life runs strong within me. It is the dynamo of volition that drives me to make myself a better man. I realize that the real goal in life is to thrive and be at the top of my game - and that is exactly what I intend to do.


So what does it really mean to "be a man"?
Over the next couple of months I will be blogging about the following themes:

S E C U R I T Y | empathy, humility, career progression & stability, family.
P H Y S I C A L | providence, exercise
C I R C A D I A N | sleep, arousal, light, (!) stimulants
C O N T R O L | (!) sympathethic/parasympathetic, (!) vices
S P I R I T | core, calm, purpose
K N O W L E D G E | kinesthetic, time management, deep learning, artisan.

6 Comments:

Anonymous said...

I notice a number of interesting points that you raise, some of them incorrect. Let us for a moment agree that suicide is an endpoint measure of happiness, which in opinion it is not, but that is not what we are discussing. The careers with the highest suicide rates are not low-paying careers. Dentists, veterinarians and doctors are among the careers with the highest suicide rates. These are lucrative and well paying jobs. Happiness is not defined by wealth or material possession, these are merely distractions.

Happiness is a feeling of self-worth that is defined by one's own opinion of oneself. The man who smiles all day but cannot look in the mirror due to his lack of self respect is surely more miserable than the poorly paid, kind-hearted factory worker who comes home to his loving family after a 14 hour shift.

I believe that this point is also relevant in your discussion of attractiveness and its importance. You define your attractiveness. Not necessarily by going to the gym or wearing expensive clothes, although these things can help. Your image of yourself is what you project onto others. If you see yourself as a someone not worth talking to or spending time with, then this is how others will see you. No one can love you until you love yourself. Don't change yourself for other people. Do it for you, because your opinion of you is the only opinion that matters.

ezralimm said...

Valid points. I cant recall where exactly I read about suicide rates and income, but there clearly was a marked increase in suicide rates in the lower income group. Im not talking about specific professions, but the population as a whole.

Social, mental and emotional health are all very important factors that determine a person's "happiness". As much as it is subjective, it is very hard to be happy if you are socially isolated or insecure.

Money doesnt buy any of those (soc, mental, emo health), and to the contrary can actually isolate you from people. That said, money is EMPOWERING. If used correctly, it augments your social life, mental well being and emotional health. A guy spending cash on a car is different from a guy spending his cash for trips and balls and social events. Im not saying that spending your money on trips will bring you friends, but it gives you the opportunity to do build friendships.

So yeah, money doesnt buy happiness, but used correctly, it empowers one to find the building blocks of happiness.

I have blogged before about the hedonic treadmill:
http://ezralimm.blogspot.com/2007/11/futile-pursuit-of-happiness.html

I have also blogged before about humility of mind:
http://ezralimm.blogspot.com/2009/01/no-such-thing.html

Your last paragraph is inspiring and politically correct... but is very bad advice to people who are deluded. I used to be VERY self centred. Nobody's opinions mattered. My friends said I was frail. I ignored them. I really wished I had realized OTHER PEOPLES OPINION about myself sooner. Yeah, I was a walking stick at 45kg/174cm/20yo. Pathethic. Yet I didnt realize it because ONLY MY OPINION ABOUT MYSELF MATTERED. It's not always a good thing to not take into account the opinion of others.

If your opinions are true, then it will work to your benefit. If they are false, then you are deluded and it will work against you.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I didn't take the deluded population into account. Glad to hear that you have recovered. Having had an eating disorder myself I can sympathise.

- M

ezralimm said...

yeah. sucks balls doesnt it. Were you over or under eating? or not eating your veggies =p ?

I remember the days when I had to force feed myself until I felt like I was going to puke...three times a day. *shiver*

Anonymous said...

Well, over and under eating at the same time. I was bulimic, so I would binge and then purge. Bad memories, but that's in the past now. You can come back from it.

- M

ezralimm said...

Thankfully, yeah.

Btw, what's your story? How did you over come your condition?

In my case it was force feeding at regular intervals.

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