"Creeped"


Update (14/6/09)
Guys, many people seem to have misinterpreted this article. Please do not put words in my mouth. NOBODY is saying that a guy has to be buff to get a girlfriend. Not me. Not anyone. What I did say was that girls dont like guys who are frail (or two physically deficient) for potential romantic (non-platonic) relationships...in the same way girls simply dont like falling in love with guys who are shorter and lighter than they are. Call me a romanticist, for I believe that love is blind - money/looks dont matter when it comes to love. That said, people are picky with who they fall in love with. There is a reason why some people get all the attention, whilst others are ignored...especially when it comes to romantic (non-platonic) relationships. What I am effectively saying is: Ugly girls and guys who are pathethic losers* will find it difficult to find a date on a Friday night.

*failing in life. Opposite of thriving in life. Physically, mentally, socially...etc.



"Creeped"

Humans are hypocrites by nature. They all want to believe that they are doing the right thing, and twist the truth as much as they can to feel good about themselves. In no other aspect of life is this more apparent than in the game of love.

Have you ever wondered why some really pretty girls appear to be arrogant? They avoid eye contact and may even shrug you off if you try to chat them up. Ok, not all pretty girls are like that but you know what Im talking about. At the end of the day, many of them are "creeped" out by random guys approaching them. SO what does it mean to be "creeped"?

"Creeped" is the natural human response to being approached by potential partners who are perceived (even subconsciously) to be of an unacceptable standard (too unattractive). The pretty girls who have a wide selection of guys who want to date them thus have a higher standard by default, and are hence more likely to be creeped when approached by a random average Joe. It's very politically incorrect to say this, but being "creeped" is simply natures way of telling you not to potentially reproduce/make_babies with inferior genetic material. For guys chasing girls, good genetic material means shapely tall, fertile hourglass bodies. For girls chasing guys, good genetic material means a reasonably buff physique (from good nutrition/exercise), success, and social dominance in life. Social dominance is invariably tied to money in the modern world.

For example: All girls like to tell themselves that they are going to settle for a "nice" guy. But have you ever considered that girls only notice the "niceness" of the so called "nice" guys who are reasonably financially stable and physically attractive? If a "nice" guy who's reasonably good looking and financially stable shows interest in a girl (short 2s eye contact and a small smile), she is likely to reciprocate... but if a poor, short, ugly-as-fvck, shy, pushover kinda guy shows the exact same interest in a girl (short 2 s eye contact and a small smile).. she would be "creeped out" - even IF the second guy has a much nicer, more humble personality. This prevents a person from empathizing with people whom are perceived to be genetically inferior. Empathy is the foundation of any relationship.

Everybody wants a "nice" partner. But will only empathize and realize the "niceness" of others who are attractive. Many set their standards too high and will eventually have to settle for less...and start noticing the "niceness" of people they have not previously considered. This group of people tend to "fall in love" as they approach 30... They tell themselves that they settled for someone "nice"... but face it... many of them could not have done any better and had settled for less. Spend enough time with someone (even if you dont find them attractive initially) and chances are you will start to notice the "niceness" in them...

Let's not be sexist. Being creeped applies to guys as well. Last summer a half drunk woman started coming on to me, pushing her shoulders together to emphasize her cleavage and pouting her lips trying to look cute as she approached and tried to rub against me... I'm not a very attractive guy and that was the first time anyone has come on to me like that. Good for me? NO! She looked like she had been beaten with an ugly stick. I swear that I nearly threw up. I got goosebumps and felt like leaving the room.

Some of my friends wonder why I am suddenly so interested in going to the gym. Well, the answer is really simple. I dont want to creep girls out. It is the same reason why I pursue knowledge and studied very hard to get into the course of my choice. I study to secure my future and have a successful, fruitful career. I hit the gym and eat well for the same reason. I am reasonably financially secure but to succeed in the game of love I also need a reasonably masculine physique. Hence, I hit the gym to increase the odds that I will be successful in the game of love. To be successful in the game of love means not settling for less and ultimately building a loving relationship with a woman who is worthy and will bear successful children (with good genes) whom in turn will be successful in life.

Aim for the treetops, you'll land on the floor.
Aim for the sky, you'll land on the treetops.

I am 23 and single. It is time to aim for the sky.

Face The Truth™

47 Comments:

Titus Tang said...

I agree with most of your idea on this whole issue, but I think what is lacking in your writing is the "political and social correctness". Because it is certainly easier for people to accept your ideas if your concepts come in language they can swallow. There are of course ways to pass the same point with "a different tone".

But of course you may be writing just for yourself and not intending influence others. That's a different case, use all the straightforwardness you want.

Michael Chu said...

you spend wayyy too much time working up to girls. If you find a compatible girl, it doesn't matter if you're unemployed/ugly as fuk. She'll still go out with you.

You're putting them on the podium when things are supposed to come naturally. You want to become like Barney Stinson in HIMYM. He is your role model. No matter how hard you try, reading books/articles on "the game of love" will do nothing compared to experiencing it first-hand (often, not just once a while)

Your mind set is that you want to attract the best girl (eg prettiest ones) Deep down, I know you want THEM to feel the way you feel. You want to reject them as if they aren't good enough for you. You want to fool around with their hearts for your own selfish reasons. You can twist my words after but you know this is the truth deep down.

Make friends with girls (any girl really) With NO INTENTION OF DATING. Interact with them constantly. Ask them questions on what you should have said. Let them give you feedback. Tell them that it's hard for you to get with girls. Be honest with them. They will help you. Eventually, you'll develop good "clicks" in your brain that will make the right move (most of the time) and girls will fall for you.

Also, first thing girls notice is build, then clothes then hair style. You're working on the first one but the other two...Judging by your lowyat avatar. It is HORRIBLE. Red bowtie? honestly? I told my gf I would never ever ever wear a red bowtie (she agreed) Get a good fashion sense. Read GQ magazines.

Hairstyle...dear God. go to an asian hairstylist and ask them to "trim and style" whichever way they want. Whatever they think will look good. If you don't like it, you can just put it back the way it was (trim and style doesn't involve cutting too much hair) Never ever ever go to a Caucasian stylist. Only asian stylist will know how asians are supposed to look. No matter how buff you will be, with that fashion dress sense, girls will only look at you cos you look ridiculous, not checking you out.

ezralimm said...

Michael Chu:you spend wayyy too much time working up to girls. If you find a compatible girl, it doesn't matter if you're unemployed/ugly as fuk. She'll still go out with you. You're putting them on the podium when things are supposed to come naturally. You want to become like Barney Stinson in HIMYM. He is your role model. No matter how hard you try, reading books/articles on "the game of love" will do nothing compared to experiencing it first-hand (often, not just once a while)
Ezra: That's a joke with my friends. Niel Patrick Harris is a fag. So to be like him ill have to be straight on the outside and gay on the inside. LOL! What I really aspire is to have the same confidence in approaching women for the first_step in the game of love. ANd NO! I've not been reading any books on the topic. What I write in the FTC(tm) articles is really based don my experiences. I've only had two relationships...and feel lucky that my last girlfriend told me point blank that she was leaving me as she thought that she could do better. That was what prompted me to rethink everything about dating. Some people play games during their spare time. I blog and post articles in Cupids Corner and Real World Issues.

Michael Chu:Your mind set is that you want to attract the best girl (eg prettiest ones) Deep down, I know you want THEM to feel the way you feel. You want to reject them as if they aren't good enough for you. You want to fool around with their hearts for your own selfish reasons. You can twist my words after but you know this is the truth deep down.
Ezra: The idea is to get them to notice me and thus more readily build rapport/click/empathize with me. I've learnt that the answer to the question "free friday night?" has been answered long before the question is asked. Pass judgment on me all you like. I keep my motives to myself - I could be looking for a One Night Stand... or I could really be looking for The One....somebody (good looking) to build a loving relationship with. Just because I am trying to aim high does not mean Im a player!

Michael Chu:Make friends with girls (any girl really) With NO INTENTION OF DATING. Interact with them constantly. Ask them questions on what you should have said. Let them give you feedback. Tell them that it's hard for you to get with girls. Be honest with them. They will help you. Eventually, you'll develop good "clicks" in your brain that will make the right move (most of the time) and girls will fall for you.
Ezra: That is understood. I am all for equal-opportunity when making friends. You could be a boy, girl, homo or lesbo, I will approach you all the same. I agree with you though. It's always easier to click and connect with girls from similar backgrounds... though in the past few weeks (weeks 10-13 of Project RAM) I have been having varying success with chatting up ladies of different (non-malaysian) backgrounds. I notice I've been able to make contact with many more women whom I meet "out of the blue" lately... eg. last night I just got the number of a girl who lives nearby while lining up at the nearby fast food place. I think im on the right track.

Michael Chu:Also, first thing girls notice is build, then clothes then hair style. You're working on the first one but the other two...Judging by your lowyat avatar. It is HORRIBLE. Red bowtie? honestly? I told my gf I would never ever ever wear a red bowtie (she agreed) Get a good fashion sense. Read GQ magazines. Hairstyle...dear God. go to an asian hairstylist and ask them to "trim and style" whichever way they want. Whatever they think will look good. If you don't like it, you can just put it back the way it was (trim and style doesn't involve cutting too much hair) Never ever ever go to a Caucasian stylist. Only asian stylist will know how asians are supposed to look. No matter how buff you will be, with that fashion dress sense, girls will only look at you cos you look ridiculous, not checking you out.

Ezra: Dude, my hair is usually less than an inch long. I spike my hair and I only ever comb my hair sideways when i havent had a haircut for like three months - or if I have to look professional for an interview. My lowyat avatar was taken during a function. I was serving drinks hence the bowtie and vest. It's really a joke to those who know me. I agree with you though, looks are pretty damn important.



...and what the hell are you doing up at 6.53 in the morning on a Saturday? haha

Michael Chu said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ezralimm said...

(!) Reply displayed in it's entirety with vulgarities removed.

Micheal Chu:Need to wake up early for work!
Micheal Chu: You spend too much time on looks and appearances, but that's only going to get you so far. Sure looks are great for first impressions, but believe it or not, it's actually what you say that counts after the first thirty seconds.
Ezra: I cant agree more... will definitely elaborate on that. Stay tuned to further posts.

Micheal Chu: What you're working on would be what girls would like to see in a one night stand, nothing past the next day. You really have to get your priorities straight. If any girl really knew that you were posting all of these messages, stereotyping women according to the few that you've met before, they would categorize you as...a creep.
Ezra: Are you suggesting that girls looking for their one and only prince charming do not look at a guy's physical attributes and social standing? You have gone way off topic. Raw Animal Magnetism is important regardless of whether you are looking for a wife, girlfriend, one night stand or lovebuddy. All I'm saying is that GIRLS HAVE STANDARDS... have you seriously met a girl who fell for the scrawny, small, poor, short, shy guy who was willing to empathize with her...despite having more attractive suitors? Open your eyes, look at the couples around you. What do they have in common? I DO NOT PASS MORAL JUDGMENT ON PEOPLE, and i would appreciate it if you did not pass judgment on me. I could be looking for an ONS... or I could be looking for someone to spend my life with.

Micheal Chu: I think you need to approach girls with honesty and sincerity, with a genuine interest in them, but not as someone you could potentially blow off, reject or lay (and sometimes, not even as a potential you would consider going out with).
Ezra: Believe it or not, I always try to be as honest and sincere as possible. You can be as honest and sincere as you want.... if you are not up to a girl's standards, she will get "creeped". Again, you have gone off topic. Just for the record I ONLY APPROACH GIRLS THAT I SENSE I WILL BE COMPATIBLE WITH. All I can safely say in this public blog at the moment is that I believe that sex is part and parcel of a normal loving relationship.

Micheal Chu: Relationships aren't based on first impressions. Acquaintances are; one night stands are; you are.
Ezra: I cant agree more. Relationships are based on EMPATHY and UNDERSTANDING. However, with a poor first impression, no girl would say yes to a date - where empathy and understanding brings you closer to someone. Again, you pass judgment on me. YES, RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT BASED ON FIRST IMPRESSIONS. Nobody ever suggested that. Not me definitely. Dont put words in my mouth.

Michael Chu said...

Do you ask girls out the first time you meet them? If you do, you're not being sincere enough yet. A first meeting is nowhere near long enough for anything remotely pertaining to even form acquaintances.

Another reason why girls would often categorise guys as creeps would be because the guy doesn't take the time and effort to get to know her first and then ask her out. And she would say no for self protection because who knows what type of person you may be?

"However, with a poor first impression, no girl would say yes to a date"

wtf...not true at all. my current gf thought i was a dweeeebb. Shy/lonely/nerd/skinny/quiet (ie, not her type) Now, a year after we first met, we're dating and i'm completely different from the first impression that she got from me. Don't worry, I also know from psychology that first impressions are the most important and can only then be altered by continuous meetings.

Michael Chu said...

one more thing. You should never ever ever ever comb your hair even if it's for an interview. It makes u look soooo horrible.

lostyeow said...

Lol, I can see Michael is passing his judgement on you, Ezra.

I've read your blog before, keep up the interesting posts.

Anonymous said...

I find you interesting as you write lengthy stuffs on forums, but as i hover across and see that your still single i find it very unlikely with such experience of yours?

Im a straight forward person and i dont write long. To be succesful in love(winning pretty women), i say social skills is the most crucial one. I had alot of average looking guys won pretty girls due to their speech. But its not necessary that physically buff being the dominant factor. One may see a guy tall, handsome, but after comparing him with a mere guy who able to entertain girls, the second guy will win. Every point you have posted is about winning love of pretty woman by first impression, but not long-term effect. In most cases, a guy and a girl regardless of their looks being good friends for at least 6 months will eventually spark mutual feelings on each other. So the point is physique is just a minor factor. Time answers for true love.

You are 24 right? How long have you been staying single? You might type alot in forums like knowing everything nerdy turdy, but i doubt you able to be outstanding in real life. Usually people who possess moderate speech skills are able to get a girl as soon they hit 21, unless you hide urself inside ur room 24/7 @ lowyat.net.
Go mix more. Oh by the way if im a girl i wouldnt be pleased by ur avatar. i blatantly say it sucks, yeah i know you put it for fun(ive read your reply to michael). You already mentioned first impression is important, but the pic.. oh gosh allow me to say no more :)
good luck

Anonymous2 said...

Your mindset is screwed ezra, you lack self esteem, which blows you off in winning love.
You again the fan of "ada wang ada amoi" shits doesnt accounts for true love. Your definition for creeping out girls apply on those materialistic, clubbing, cheapskette girls who want easy way just by marrying a rich guy. So you want yourself be buffed up, tall, handsome, driving porche, enters a club and stealing all the girls attention? And then win 1-night-stand love by this way? Ask your self, what do you achieve?

If you keep these stuffs in ur mindset you will not experience long distance relationship, judging ur current condition up to now.

I cant deny that every girl wants a good partner. But its unnecessary to say that the partner got to possess the above quality to be her one. Its just the matter of time and compabality on each other, in most cases.

You have ur expectation too high dude, be modest.. if your aiming for like a supermodel then i would say otherwise. Else than that, continue with traditional method.

ezralimm said...

Weekend's been rather hectic. Sorry for the late replies...btw, please post with your real names.. or at least something made up to make the replies easier.
========================================

Micheal: Do you ask girls out the first time you meet them? If you do, you're not being sincere enough yet. A first meeting is nowhere near long enough for anything remotely pertaining to even form acquaintances.
Ezra: Of course not. SMS and facebook - get with the times yea.

Micheal: Another reason why girls would often categorise guys as creeps would be because the guy doesn't take the time and effort to get to know her first and then ask her out. And she would say no for self protection because who knows what type of person you may be?
Ezra: I completely agree.

Micheal: "However, with a poor first impression, no girl would say yes to a date" wtf...not true at all. my current gf thought i was a dweeeebb. Shy/lonely/nerd/skinny/quiet (ie, not her type) Now, a year after we first met, we're dating and i'm completely different from the first impression that she got from me. Don't worry, I also know from psychology that first impressions are the most important and can only then be altered by continuous meetings.
Ezra: Good luck micheal. Hope things work out between you two.

Micheal: one more thing. You should never ever ever ever comb your hair even if it's for an interview. It makes u look soooo horrible.
Ezra: Hahaha, I know... But heck, it did score me a place in medicine so i guess I cant complain.

=======================================

lostyeow: Lol, I can see Michael is passing his judgement on you, Ezra. I've read your blog before, keep up the interesting posts.
Ezra: Thanks for the support dude.. What's your nick in LYN? Btw..will be happy to linkback to your site if you're up for it.

=======================================

Anon1: I find you interesting as you write lengthy stuffs on forums, but as i hover across and see that your still single i find it very unlikely with such experience of yours?
Ezra: I cannot answer that question ever in a public blog with my real identity. Girls do google the names of people they date you know...and this blog comes up as the first result for "ezra limm". Suffice to say for now that I am not officially attached to anyone =)

Anon1: Im a straight forward person and i dont write long. To be succesful in love(winning pretty women), i say social skills is the most crucial one. I had alot of average looking guys won pretty girls due to their speech. But its not necessary that physically buff being the dominant factor. One may see a guy tall, handsome, but after comparing him with a mere guy who able to entertain girls, the second guy will win.
Ezra: Physique is a minor factor IF you are not overly obese or scrawny. I've said it before: A lady does not generally mind getting involved with a guy so long as they are _compatible_ and he is not too bad looking and is at least physically taller than she is.

Anon1: Every point you have posted is about winning love of pretty woman by first impression, but not long-term effect. In most cases, a guy and a girl regardless of their looks being good friends for at least 6 months will eventually spark mutual feelings on each other. So the point is physique is just a minor factor. Time answers for true love.
Ezra: I very strongly digress. Im replying now assuming you are a guy. Open your eyes. Look at all the pretty girls around you...and their partners besides them. You will rarely see a pretty girl with a guy who is scrawny/obese or shorter than the girl. Sure they are exceptions but they will always be exceptions and will never be the norm. I AGREE COMPLETELY WITH YOU: Spend enough time with someone (even if you dont find them attractive initially) and chances are you will start to notice the "niceness" in them...(from blog post above)

Anon1: You are 24 right? How long have you been staying single? You might type alot in forums like knowing everything nerdy turdy, but i doubt you able to be outstanding in real life. Usually people who possess moderate speech skills are able to get a girl as soon they hit 21, unless you hide urself inside ur room 24/7 @ lowyat.net.
Go mix more. Oh by the way if im a girl i wouldnt be pleased by ur avatar. i blatantly say it sucks, yeah i know you put it for fun(ive read your reply to michael). You already mentioned first impression is important, but the pic.. oh gosh allow me to say no more :)
good luck
Ezra: Just turned 23. Ooh. Well, it wasnt my intention to give that impression. Believe it or not I actually write as a hobby. But yeah... I'll get down to changing my avatar when i have the time. ZZZzzz...rest of the comment answered above (see replies to Micheal)

=========================================
Anon2: Your mindset is screwed ezra, you lack self esteem, which blows you off in winning love. You again the fan of "ada wang ada amoi" shits doesnt accounts for true love.
Ezra: ...says the person who posts anonymously. Pass whatever judgments you want. I have never said "ada wang ada amoi". DONT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH. In fact, I have posted repeatedly in Cupids Corner that:
1) It is wrong to say that girls are only after money/social dominance.
2) It is wrong to say that guys are only after beauty.

Anon2: Your definition for creeping out girls apply on those materialistic, clubbing, cheapskette girls who want easy way just by marrying a rich guy.
Ezra: We're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one. I contend that it applies to all girls - though the church going goodie two shoes will have a blunted response and will avoid a guy more POLITELY - eg by telling him he is "nice".. rather than avoiding eye contact and shrugging him away.

Anon2: So you want yourself be buffed up, tall, handsome, driving porche, enters a club and stealing all the girls attention? And then win 1-night-stand love by this way? Ask your self, what do you achieve?
Ezra: EVERYONE (yes, that includes myself) wants be loving/supportive relationship. THERE IS NO LOVE IN ONE NIGHT STANDS. You need to get your head checked.

Anon2: If you keep these stuffs in ur mindset you will not experience long distance relationship, judging ur current condition up to now.
Ezra: Sorry I dont understand your sentence...

Anon2: I cant deny that every girl wants a good partner. But its unnecessary to say that the partner got to possess the above quality to be her one. Its just the matter of time and compabality on each other, IN MOST CASES.
Ezra: Yup. I AGREE COMPLETELY. Most people will NEVER get their ideal partner... most girls will never find their prince charming... and most guys will never find their jessica alba. I have stated repeatedly that MOST PEOPLE WILL END UP SETTLING WITH WHAT IS AVAILABLE TO THEM as they get older.

Anon2: You have ur expectation too high dude, be modest.. if your aiming for like a supermodel then i would say otherwise. Else than that, continue with traditional method.
Ezra: Oh my god... The whole freakin reason I posted what I did in Cupid's Corner with the Face The Truth(tm) articles is to make more people realize that having too high standards will just make them single for longer. At the end of the day, you could either settle for what is available to you or work to increase your standards. Such is the game of love.

lostyeow said...

Seems like the girls just doesn't like to be stereotype, I mean who does? I believe the attack on you Ezra is because your post sounds sexist to certain group of people. It could probably mean that they just can't stomach part of the truth.

From your blogpost I can understand that the purpose you're working yourself up is NOT because you'd like to get a women with high standards. Instead, you work is because you wanted to present "the best of you" to your
future soulmate. To be the best for the one you love. I hope I got that right.

I do notice with one thing Anon1 said "able to entertain girls". In Anon1's opinion as long as the men can entertain them they'd fall for them.
Very typical fangirl-ish characteristic I'd say.
Again this I think applies to only some girls not all.
From my experience most ladies are suckers towards men who speaks maturely with deep smooth voice. Something fatherly charismatic is a universal appeal to girls.

Michael Chu said...

"Suffice to say for now that I am not officially attached to anyone =)"

Though you wish u were. Look at the ppl around u. There's some ppl that seek for a relationship and some that don't. Some just seek friendship some just want to be alone.

You want to be in a relationship. You try constantly to get a girl. 23 single with only 2 relationships under your belt. How far have u went with your relationships?

You never ever see a hot guy with an ugly girl. Never ever. You ALWAYS see a hot girl with a mediocre/ugly guy. Do u even know that MOST asians are tall AND lanky. Even when u were anorexic, there are other ppl JUST like you...with girlfriends! Go to any asian country and you'll see there aren't many averaged sized men. Most are all lanky. some tall, some short.

It's your personality.

ps. "Ezra: Good luck micheal. Hope things work out between you two." I hope that wasn't sarcasm.

ezralimm said...

lostyeow: Seems like the girls just doesn't like to be stereotype, I mean who does? I believe the attack on you Ezra is because your post sounds sexist to certain group of people. It could probably mean that they just can't stomach part of the truth.
Ezra: Very true. Btw, "sexist" is not the word you're looking for. Sexist means gender-biased (ie. chauvanistic or feministic. I still dont know what word would be suitable to describe it... "image conscious" perhaps?

lostyeow: From your blogpost I can understand that the purpose you're working yourself up is NOT because you'd like to get a women with high standards. Instead, you work is because you wanted to present "the best of you" to your
future soulmate. To be the best for the one you love. I hope I got that right.
Ezra: Yeah, that is one of my motivations. Being physically fit also means having a wider selection of girls willing to go out with me...and hence I can be a little picky when it comes to potential soulmates as well =)

lostyeow: I do notice with one thing Anon1 said "able to entertain girls". In Anon1's opinion as long as the men can entertain them they'd fall for them. Very typical fangirl-ish characteristic I'd say. Again this I think applies to only some girls not all. From my experience most ladies are suckers towards men who speaks maturely with deep smooth voice. Something fatherly charismatic is a universal appeal to girls.
Ezra: So true. There's something about sean connery that girls just dig :p ... Anyway, girls who are looking for long term committed relationships actually look for empathy and "connecting" with the guy... all the jewelery, gifts and chocolates are just icing on the cake.

========================================

Micheal: "Suffice to say for now that I am not officially attached to anyone =)"
Though you wish u were.
Though you wish u were.
Ezra: Everyone wishes to be in a loving relationship with someone they find attractive. Not everyone will. Many settle for what's available to them as they become older (pushing 30). Im 23, and my options are still open atm.

Micheal: Look at the ppl around u. There's some ppl that seek for a relationship and some that don't. Some just seek friendship some just want to be alone.
Ezra: I completely agree.

Micheal: You want to be in a relationship. You try constantly to get a girl.
Ezra: Again, everyone wants to be in a loving relationship. You do not "try" to get a girl par se. What happens in reality is that you try/work/make_an_effort to BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE. Girls will notice a guy who is thriving in life and will instinctively try to EMPATHIZE with him - Just like guys seem to want to know all about and be involved in the lives of the attractive girls. I've noticed the change in the way women would interact with me as I recovered from an eating disorder. They are simply more interested to know things about me... It's really a culmination of small things, and reciprocated moves to empathize that leads to social connections - the groundwork for relationships. So yeah - I am trying very hard to be the best I can be: In career, In my social life, and spiritually as well.

Micheal: 23 single with only 2 relationships under your belt. How far have u went with your relationships?
Ezra: I cannot answer that question in a public blog.

Micheal: You never ever see a hot guy with an ugly girl. Never ever. You ALWAYS see a hot girl with a mediocre/ugly guy. Do u even know that MOST asians are tall AND lanky. Even when u were anorexic, there are other ppl JUST like you...with girlfriends! Go to any asian country and you'll see there aren't many averaged sized men. Most are all lanky. some tall, some short.
Ezra: Have you ever seen a person with a BMI of 15-16??? Yes, I am well aware that asians are not so stocky as caucasians (I spent 20 years growing up in malaysia ya know)... But having a BMI of 15.2 is positively FRAIL. It is clinical malnutrition no matter how you look at it - and would qualify me for WHO emergency food rations if I were in some impovrished african country. Those so called "lanky"/thin asian guys have a BMI of about 19. The difference of 3.8 does not sound like much, but since BMI is logarithmic, it is actually quite a big difference. A 46kg/174cm guy WILL look frail and unhealthy no matter how "asian" he is. You will almost never see a person with a BMI of 15.2 on the streets...even in malaysia/singapore/hongkong - It is more common in hospital wards in patients with cachexia (wasting).

Micheal: It's your personality.
Ezra: If you feel you know me well enough to pass that judgment, then I respect your opinion. I will not pass judgment on you.

Micheal: ps. "Ezra: Good luck micheal. Hope things work out between you two." I hope that wasn't sarcasm.
Ezra: Believe it or not, I was sincere - despite all the antagonism I sense from you. Micheal, do know that the posts were not intended to hurt anyone, but rather to talk about things that are typically not talked about. I am aware that it is quite a sensitive issue for many people - For many people had settled for what was available to them - and called it 'love' after awhile.

hur said...

I just find it funny that you call Michael "Micheal".

ezralimm said...

oh yeah. thanks for pointing it out. Honest mistake. The bolded names (html) were copy pasted in notepad.

Kakami said...

You know Ezra, the 'game of love' isnt about numbers and statistics and calculations or any other bs like that.
It aint medicine.

It's life. Experience.
When you add numbers to things, somehow they seem less valuable then.

I noticed quite a bunch of people here have been trying to tell you not to stereotype, over-analyze etc but seems like you've already set your mind in such a manner, its as if these lil tips we give you fall on deaf ears you know.

cut the crap bout "settled for what was available to them - and called it 'love' after awhile."

When you pick that person you want to be with, arent you settling for whats available? There should be availability before there is love. And honestly, there shouldnt be any reason to look at it as if it were less meaningless. Love is afterall subjective.

Those BMI stuffs you keep mentioning? to hell with them, they're just digits. No lady's gonna care whatever the hell your BMI is/was.
Im tellin you Ezra, we girls can get over lots of things but with a horrible, judgmental personaliy so few would actually stick around.

And I know most of us girls dont get creeped out just because a guy is physically shaped/ dressed a certain way. It's in the face, the look you give, your approach. You could be the hottest guy in the room but damn you with one disgusting look, you'd have officially creeped some people out.

work on your physique for your health and dont over-speculate. ASK GIRLS. You think you know what girls are into but frankly speaking, either you've got one type of girl in your head or you've no clue. Im thinking it's both.
if you're trying to show your 'best' intentions whatever on your blog, i gotta say, you sound like one of those shallow jerks who creep us out.

lostyeow said...

Kakami,

I do agree a point you're bringing.

Who likes to be judge here, right?
Who likes to be told what's right or what's wrong?

Try to replace the word 'girl' in this article to 'guy', this would stir most mens emotion.

I think I want to relate part to Ezra's way of thought.
He's working his best to get the best girl he could find. It's even better if the girl he's trying to get is working her best to be her best
for her future husband.

It's just like dreamer101 said,
Do your best.

ezralimm said...

Kakami: You know Ezra, the 'game of love' isnt about numbers and statistics and calculations or any other bs like that. It aint medicine. It's life. Experience. When you add numbers to things, somehow they seem less valuable then.
Ezra: I completely agree. Just to be clear I've never used numbers... not in this blog, and not in cupid's Corner.

Kakami: I noticed quite a bunch of people here have been trying to tell you not to stereotype, over-analyze etc but seems like you've already set your mind in such a manner, its as if these lil tips we give you fall on deaf ears you know.
Ezra: If two is considered a bunch then yeah. That is your opinion and I respect that. But just out of curiosity, could you please list out these alleged stereotypes? For it was not my intention to stereotype any group of people.

Kakami: cut the crap bout "settled for what was available to them - and called it 'love' after awhile." When you pick that person you want to be with, arent you settling for whats available? There should be availability before there is love. And honestly, there shouldnt be any reason to look at it as if it were less meaningless. Love is afterall subjective.
Ezra: ^You do realize that you contradicted yourself right? Perhaps I should have rephrased. EVERYONE settles for what is available to them. Happy? So yeah, ultimately in the game of love you can settle for what's available to you, or you can work to inprove what is available to you. I'm in my early 20's and chose the latter.

Kakami: Those BMI stuffs you keep mentioning? to hell with them, they're just digits. No lady's gonna care whatever the hell your BMI is/was
Ezra: Oh but they do. I was more scrawny than some patients in hospitals! I was malnourished and frail. Again, having a BMI of 15 is waaay thinner than even the thinnest guys you see on the streets of malaysia/hongkong/singapore. Since recovering from malnutrition, I've noticed that girls interact with me very very differently. Will elaborate on that in future posts. Stay tuned.

Im tellin you Ezra, we girls can get over lots of things but with a horrible, judgmental personaliy so few would actually stick around.
Ezra: Contrary to what you may believe, I do not pass judgment on people. You on the other hand... :rolleyes:

Kakami: And I know most of us girls dont get creeped out just because a guy is physically shaped/ dressed a certain way. It's in the face, the look you give, your approach. You could be the hottest guy in the room but damn you with one disgusting look, you'd have officially creeped some people out.
Ezra: I got to say I agree with you on this one. The approach is very crucial. It has to be cool - again, you do not try to get a girl... you merely make yourself available to her (eye contact and facial expression). If she reciprocates (eg. smiles back), then you could get her number. It's really about keeping cool and being subtle. If you are the hottest guy in the room, girls would be looking at you and smiling at you before you even flash a smile =) So yeah, attractiveness is pretty damn important in the game of love.

Kakami: work on your physique for your health and dont over-speculate. ASK GIRLS.
Ezra: I did not have to ask anyone. For example: as part of my training I am required to dress well and be reasonably groomed pretty much every weekday. Following the moderate success of Project RAM (my BMI is now 21.5), I've received a number of compliments from female acquaintences pretty much out-of-the-blue such as when I walk past them in the corridors of the student halls where I reside. The pretty girls whom I perceived to be arrogant (who avoided eye contact with me) last year now look at me and flash a smile - and I have been able to maintain casual conversations better overall with people in general (including women) as people seem to be more willing to empathize/click/connect with me.


Kakami: You think you know what girls are into but frankly speaking, either you've got one type of girl in your head or you've no clue. Im thinking it's both.
Ezra: You are free to have your own thoughts and opinions. I will not pass judgment on you.

Kakami: if you're trying to show your 'best' intentions whatever on your blog, i gotta say, you sound like one of those shallow jerks who creep us out.
Ezra: That is a very stereotypical comment. It's like me saying all pretty girls are arrogant bitches who do not give a second look to unworthy guys. You know that is not true. Some pretty girls are humble and treat everyone equally with respect. In the same way not all socially dominant guys are players out to lay as many pretty woman as possible - there are socially dominant, thriving, guys who do actually believe in monogamy and are out to find a life partner.

Dont lie to yourself - there is nothing wrong in a girl wanting a hot/tall(er)/financially_secure guy... and there is nothing wrong in a guy wanting a hot/pretty/fertile girl. That is not a stereotype. That is reality.

Face The Truth™

===================================================

lostyeow said... April 8, 2009 8:10 AM
I think I want to relate part to Ezra's way of thought.
He's working his best to get the best girl he could find. It's even better if the girl he's trying to get is working her best to be her best for her future husband.
Ezra: I could not have said it better myself. Thanks dude!

Kakami said...

yeah typo there 'less meaningful'

bwahaha Im not lyin to myself dude. Im about as stubborn as you are with some of the choices i make.
I think its more that you've stereotyped us by guessing at what girls want. We all want different things regardless of how similarly you'd categorize some. But I guess you know that already

haha thats a good one. Not passing judgment. The fact that you're making any assumptions at all means you have judgments. Its unavoidable.

I dont deny im passing judgments. These are your thoughts right? Im not face-judging you but YOU as an individual with said thoughts. Which at the end of the day is more important than how you look.

Aside from being slightly amusing, its a bit sad reading your posts.
I thought Id say some stuffs to actually shed some light on other things girls may be into instead of the single-type you've been describing. Coz most of them are assumptions, others written from 'experience' etc

You'll probably take what you want to hear anyways.

Michael Chu said...

Micheal: 23 single with only 2 relationships under your belt. How far have u went with your relationships?
Ezra: I cannot answer that question in a public blog.

that answers my question already :)

You rarely see friends hooking up with random ppl. They are usually hooking up with ppl in their 'friends circle'. You got to know them before they go out with you.

So what?

Even if you have a perfect figure, say Brad Pitt, it won't match a round face (no offense). It won't look proportional to your body. Let's just say you look decently built. Girls won't check you out unless you are exceptionally hot, like a celeb. Other than that, it's just a glance to know that you're passing by and to avoid hitting you.

Have you ever seen a person with a BMI of 16???

You said asians have an average BMI of 19. so that means ppl are around 16 as well if u think about the bell curve. I've seen ppl with bmi of 16. They wear baggy clothes to cover it but they are THAT skinny. You're just looking way too much into it.

ezralimm said...

========================================================
April 9, 2009 12:33 PM Kakami said...
========================================================
Kakami: haha thats a good one. Not passing judgment. The fact that you're making any assumptions at all means you have judgments. Its unavoidable.
Ezra: I just re-read your past comments in this blog. Ok, let's not get caught up in semantics. I think you misunderstood the meaning of the phrase "passing judgment"...in the same way many people did not really understand the meaning of the term "sexist" (that really means gender-biased). I think im starting to get an idea of what you are trying to say - "passing judgment" isnt really a suitable phrase to express it.

I leave it to the readers of this thread to decide as to whether I had passed judgment on anyone.

The rest of the reply were mostly ad-hominems - I'm not going to respond to those as I dont want to start a flame war.

========================================================
April 9, 2009 2:48 PM Michael Chu said...
========================================================
Michael Chu: You said asians have an average BMI of 19. so that means ppl are around 16 as well if u think about the bell curve. I've seen ppl with bmi of 16. They wear baggy clothes to cover it but they are THAT skinny. You're just looking way too much into it.
Ezra: Huh? Healthy asian males between 20-25 have an average BMI of 22, NOT 19. Healthy caucasian males (20-25yo) average around BMI24. I mentioned that on the streets of malaysia/singapore/hongkong, the THINNEST GUYS you see walking around have a BMI of about 19. Dont believe me? Ask them their weight and height and calculate it yourself (Weight[kg]/Height^2[m]). You will almost NEVER come across a guy (20-25yo) with a BMI of under 19. If you were in singapore, you even have to defer your National Service if you BMI is below 18 (no, they wont even accept you for clerical duties). An adult male (20yo+) having a BMI of under 16 is considered malnourished regardless of ethnicity, country or cultural background. I only occasionally see people with a BMI of under 18 in the wards - they are either anorexic, cachexic (2nd to cancer), or under palliative care.

Anonymous said...

Haha how ridiculous of all your point of views.
You're not that bad fugly looking at all, its average and just because your size you think that being buff is so important and blablabla im lazy to elaborate lol.
verdict is your inexperience brings you less chances to get a girl.

ezralimm said...

========================================================
April 15, 2009 7:33 PM Anonymous said...
========================================================
Anonymous: Haha how ridiculous of all your point of views.You're not that bad fugly looking at all, its average and just because your size you think that being buff is so important and blablabla im lazy to elaborate lol. verdict is your inexperience brings you less chances to get a girl.
Ezra: tl;dr summary: you're an idiot who obviously doesnt know what you are commenting on. Nobody said that "being buff is so important". Read the article properly.

1) According to the blog post - relationships are based on EMPATHY and connectedness ("clicking").

2) According to the blog post - A guy's build is only important if he is at the extremes of the scale. Ultimately, a decent body (reasonably buff. No, you dont have to be a supermodel) along with good manners, charm and social tact will make a guy desirable to girls. Confidence comes when a guy is thriving, with good nutrition, sleep and a healthy social circle - it cannot be faked.... and is simply easier to achieve when you are fit.

It's not just about being buff.

tl;dr advice to guys: Be.teh.awesome.ftw!!111

Michael Chu said...

verdict is your inexperience brings you less chances to get a girl.

ezralimm said...

Hahaha... you really dont know me do you?

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you would probably notice that there are three things I dont talk about:
1) religion
2) politics
3) my 'experiences'

...though I do reflect on what I've learnt here.

Michael chu said...

if you don't use it, you lose it.

it's true.

ezralimm said...

totally

Anonymous said...

As a girl who has met you, i can safely say that the only thing that creeped me out about you was your personality and now this blog.

For the record, i know plenty of girls who chose the scrawny guy and i also know plenty of scrawny/less attractive guys who got the girl they wanted.

Maybe you shouldn't knock the advice from others such as Michael Chu, who know what they're talking about and are currently in a relationship and therefore have more experience than you.

ezralimm said...

Phew, COMMENT NO. #30 !!! Yeah. Lol, this has got to be one of the most controversial posts ever. Keep the comments flowing =D

THe way I see it there are really two possibilities:
1) You really are someone who knows me.
2) You may be a poser...or even Michael Chu!

Anyway, I'll assume that you really are someone who knows me. Look, I'm not a shy person by nature and I am pretty outgoing and open. I hope you realize that most of the things that you may have perceived as being dirty were actually in good faith and humour.

I do not use dirty language or dirty jokes in front of women whom I am genuinely interested in (i cannot give names as this is a public blog). Those who know me well enough will testify to this. I am almost a different person =P ...all the south park jokes disappear and I avoid anything that may incriminate me in a negative light (nil sexist/racist jokes etc.). Yeah, I avoid Russel Peter style jokes as well.

Btw Anonymous^ (June 13), I understand that you wish to remain unknown, but please use a nickname next time to make replying easier.

Ideally, login with an OpenID account and use your real identity - that would give more credence to your words.

Anonymous said...

I never said you can't be dirty in front of women, my comments were based on your stereotypes and ideas on how girls think you're creepy just because you're not tanky. I think it's a horrible and unnecessary thing to be so two-faced when it comes to women. I have a boyfriend and regularly enjoy throwing around dirty jokes with him. I like south park and i like russel peters, all of my female friends do. Girls are not these fragile things that you have to hide the truth from. It sounds like ur saying that you can only get a girl to like u if u act differently to who u really are and look different.

I'm not going to bother responding anymore so don't worry about how convenient it is that i am anonymous, i just thought you should know that reading from books won't necessarily give u the best idea on what girls are like.

The only reason i'm reading this blog in the first place is because i have heard from numerous people how ridiculous and stupid this blog is and after being told for about the 50th time, i decided to check it out myself. I'm sorry to say they weren't lying

ezralimm said...

Reading from books? Dude, I've never read ANY books on relationships. I've never even read the famous Mars and Venus book. What I write is based mostly on experience, and i mean every word that I say.

DONT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH.

Nobody is saying you need to be "tanked"/well_built to attract girls. What I did say was that you must not be too physically deficient in order to stand a realistic chance with women whom you find attractive.

A person who is thriving in life, eating well, sleeping well, and having lots of friends will not be physically deficient. Why? Because girls really dont like guys who are smaller/lighter than they are in the same way girls dont like guys who are shorter than they are.

I used to be very frail with a BMI of 16, and I speak with experience and confidence when I say that: Girls talk/interact with me very differently after I overcame my eating disorder and put on over 20kg.

Believe whatever makes you happy. That is my opinion and I stick to it. I agree that looks dont matter to women as much as it does to men, but heck, look around you. Open your eyes. Look at the attractive women. Look at the guys beside them. They will almost never be shorter/lighter/smaller than the girl.

I rest my case.


Anyway, I'm glad that my blog has received publicity. All i can say is that feedback so far has been mixed. It is my subjective opinion that the feedback received so far conforms with The Pleasure Principle: http://ezralimm.blogspot.com/2008/12/pleasure-principle_24.html

I've also received a surprising amount of support from friends and aquaintences...many of whom I was surprised to find read my blog :p

Anonymous, you have your ideals and I respect that. But to use ad hominem rhetoric anonymously is seriously weak. If you're a guy, please grow some nuts and post with your real name. If you're a girl, well...stop being such a b1tch lol!

Again: DONT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH.


To Other Readers
I really dont understand why people assume things and put words in my mouth. I have a feeling that what I write may have hit some people where it hurts, and by attempting to discredit my views they feel better about themselves. I recently posted a new thread in the LYN forums. Before I even wrote the article, people were already making assumptions...that of course were entirely untrue and contrary to what I was talking about. WHen the article was penned, they had to shut up and to be honest it just made them look retarded.


Anyone is welcome to challenge MY ideas. What I MYSELF actually wrote. Not what you think I wrote. For the third time: Seriously ffs....DONT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH.

j. nolan said...

Ezra the only thing I have read from this thread is your ignoring the one constructive suggestion that has been made: get your hair styled better. Just like you go to a gym to get good muscles you need to go to a good (asian) hair dresser to get your hair done. Neil Patrick Harris has stylists that turn him into Barney: you need them too. You could get muscles galore and I still wouldn't fuck you. Find your favourite Malaysian movie star about your age and print out the picture, take it into the hairdresser and say "make my hair like this"

I know he is thai, but if you had hair like:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e6/Mario_Maurer_at_6th_anniversary_of_Seventeen_Magazine.jpg

Mario Maurer, lots more girls would want to fuck you. Asian hair really isn't that hard to stuff up but you put SO much product in it that you make yourself look ridiculous. Go to a hairdresser: ask questions. When it's done buy the product they use and try and recreate the look. take photos so you can do it perfectly. No hair should be shiny. No hair should be as short as yours was last time i saw you.

ezralimm said...

Hahaha, so johnny bravo was right. It really is about the hair.

Yeah, I'll probably get it done over summer. Gotta let it lengthen naturally first before getting it styled to give the stylist something to work with.

Anonymous said...

i hope you die alone, you facejudger

ezralimm said...

Nobody judges nobody. But subconsciously at least, raw physical attractiveness DOES MATTER. It's built into our human nature. If a girl is approached by a loser who isnt worthy to father her children (loser in life, loser physically/frail, loser all the way), she will be creeped if said loser gives her romantic attention... even if said loser has the "nice"est personality in the world. What your conscious mind "judges" is irrelevant. You may get along with the person well, but in the end you simply dont see him/her as a potential romantic partner.

Nobody wants bad genes that fail in life.

I'd really like to say that raw physical attractiveness does not matter when it comes to romance... but it does. I see it happening all around me.

I choose to be open and point blank about it, rather than sugar coat it like so many other people saying that X and Y are "nice people". Empty compliments after rejecting someone romantically. eg. "you're a nice guy/girl, but you're not my type / im not good enough for you". IMO it's better to be blunt: "you're not good enough for me / i think i can do better". That would give the person impetus to change...and i have seen many people change more than I could have imagined.

End of the day: Thrive and survive. Your body will show it, others will notice it, and you will not be an outcast in the game of love (ie. friend but never the lover)

Anonymous said...

quote: nobody wants bad genes that fail in life.

i suppose if you define 'fail'ure as 'unwanted in a potential mate', i do certainly agree. (if im a female imagining myself confronted by you as a potential mate)

however, if you define 'fail' as 'utterly unwanted by society', i say you are wrong. i dont think that your looks is a failure at all. society needs men like you ezra limm.

to make the other men look good and make us realize, oh thank god ive got so-and-so and not ezra. so men like you really have a purpose in life.

god bless you 09, ezra

ezralimm said...

Dear Hong Kong friend.

All i hear from you are attacks against my character. Hate the game, not the player. Constructive feedback is welcome.

I have provoked rather angry responses in my comments on the very real social dynamics that pervade the game of love - for the role of attractiveness that is traditionally suppressed and considered minor is really more relevant than most people would like to believe.

I've been called just about everything, ugly / unwanted / loser / fail / atheist(when i brought up darwinism) / etc /insert-negative-adjective-here / =P, usually by anonymous people who dont seem to have anything constructive to add to the conversation. I dont really care, and I wouldnt even moderate the comments posted on my personal blog. It's quite pathetic really...for it was almost as if my writings have hurt them and they are venting their anger, but having no real points to counter my (rather hurtful) views on reality (losers and winners in the game of love / unattractive people being unwanted/unloved), they resort to ad hominems (personal attacks).

Quick note that I do not pass judgment on anyone. I have not labelled anyone attractive or unattractive.

Time will tell if I am a 'loser' or 'winner'. I know where I stand in the game of love and the game of life/career. Things are picking up, and I am not worried one bit. Just a year ago such comments would have driven me nuts, but not anymore. Friends and family, along with a decent social life means I no longer give a shit about what anonymous losers say about me online. They simply reflect the reality that many people find disturbing and hurtful to think of, as per bolded paragraph above.

Ganesh said...

"You will rarely see a pretty girl with a guy who is scrawny/obese or shorter than the girl"

This is true but the in my opinion, the reasoning is different. A girl may not want to date an obese thinking that if he can't take care of his own body, what makes her think he would be able to take care of her? It is all about perception. An obese guy could be from a rich family with great education and yet not be able to get girls (I know a lot of dudes like this).

Girls look for personality. Enough said. If you exude confidence when you speak, be arrogant and funny at the same time, thats all you need. Its all about influence.

Being buff, successful is secondary to a woman when it comes to dating at young age. I've dated a lot of girls since I was 14 years old and believe me, all that matters is personality. I'm 21 now and in a relationship with a 23 year old girl who works at Towers Watson while I'm still studying. Doesn't that say much?

However, at the same time, you are right about those factors. But it only applies when a woman is looking for a life long partner. It provides her security. Although, getting the girl by virtue of social dominance instead of pure attraction does not equate to a happy relationship. Heck, if she was attracted by a charmer at club, high chances of her cheating on her husband or would be husband.

Wanna get a good impression? Next time you go to a club, bring along friends and make sure the girl boy ratio is 3:1. If possible, let the girls be average to hot. Believe me, other girls will notice you. You can sarge all you want. Always work from average girls to the hot ones (again, maintaining a good impression). I use this every time I go clubbing and it has not failed me once. I trust it won't fail you too.

Though, I'm no longer in the game, I don't mind as I found an amazing girl which I'm together with for 2 and a half years. I believe yours will come alone too. Problem with attraction? Be cocky and humorous. Don't forget that.

This story occurred when I was 17. There was this girl I've noticed who was in form 6 and I've never spoken to her before as there wasn't a right time to sarge. One time, during recess, I was walking at a slow pace and she was behind me (didn't know at that time). As she tried to walk past me, she accidentally brushed my shoulder to which I replied "if you want my number, you could just ask me". Bear in mind, I had a joking tone on. She then responded quite angrily as to how I came up with such a conclusion. I immediately calmed her down and told her not to get excited as I was joking. Soon after, I introduced myself got her name and simply told her I'm busy and need to go (I left without turning back).

I knew that there would be further opportunities and I used that to my advantage. I maintained the cocky funny approach and asked her out one day. And yea, after that its history.

Ganesh said...

Never let a girl dictate your position. If your gf bluntly said she could do better, if you had any sense of confidence, it would not have affected you. But I'm glad you have changed for the better by buffing up and working hard in your studies. I have recently started gym too but my reasons are for my personal appearance. I wanna look good in suits! Lol.

Just make sure you're doing this for yourself and not to get girls. That should be the right motivation. Otherwise, when you get hooked up, you'll probably end up not going to gym anymore, not studying as hard and end up a loser.
p/s: Getting a girls number in a line isn't useful if you don't use it. If a girl gives you her number, make sure you text her within 2 or 3 days. If not, just forget it.

Some books I would recommend to you.

Sperm Wars: Infidelity, Sexual Conflict and Other Bedroom Battle by Robin Baker (evolutionary biologist).

The Game by Neil Strauss, pick up artist

Persuasion by James Borg, psychologist

I have read all three and believe me, it will change the way you view things. Its not as complicated as it may seem.

ezralimm said...

Ganesh, thanks for your contribution to this thread. I really appreciate your comments and I will be replying or touching on many of the things you are saying in a future post (it's already in draft so im not going to reply here).

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I DONT SPY/STALK ANYONE Due to the number of Anonymous comments, I mentioned that because the comment was traced to HK. Other comments were from Aust/Msia. So that way the person knows im replying to him/her. You could help too by using a pseudonym (not your real name)!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Anonymous (x2 above):

Wow you're both very presumptuous and I sense a good deal of hate as well. Your minds are sick and negative. Get a life and you'll start to read things with a more positive light. I wouldnt have thought of things like that, much less make such presumptions...not even towards enemies I know in person.

After coming out of a rut late 2008, many positive changes were made throughout 2009. Now (2010) I am very happy with where my life is heading at the moment. Financially, emotionally, socially and romantically. =)

This blog stands testament to the the fact that I very rarely pass judgement on people online. Not even to people who pass judgement on me lol.

In real life people who know me know that too. That said I am human and I do pass judgment sometimes...but not nearly as much as you two anyway =P

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I do not stereotype people. I am just saying what I observe in real life. I hold that the level of attractiveness (desirability) of an individual is dependent more on physical attributes more than many people would like to believe. The fact remains, FOR EXAMPLE, that women generally do not like men shorter than them.

It's funny how you could say that at the dinner table or at the bar...everyone would say "like duh...".. But in the anonymous online world, some people seem desperate to disprove such observations.

ezralimm said...

Note: Anonymous comments from the same IP have been deleted.

Pokerbuddy said...

Lol... the resurrection of a 2009 post. This calls for a WTF!
Can't be bothered with the rest of the reading list you posted on Game of love.

A few things I've noticed given the timelapse... one thing hasn't changed about you Ezra. You tend to hide behind the... "I don't blog about my personal life because people can trace me and the girls can read what I write" each time somebody calls to question results of your theory. Might want to work on that.

Be it Michael Chu or Anon or Kikilala or HK guy, I think the general consensus is that you're a Dick. Now I'm NOT saying that you are one - (because you tend to jump to conclusions yourself; that being said, I'm also not saying that you're not a dick either), but I think their comments suffice to adequately summize that first preception you give people after you open your piehole. [Bla bla bla - stuff about people who really know me and understand my POV and what color corn I like.] I'm assuming you like to be abused since this is the longest running thread and its all pretty much about calling you (your thoughts and opinions as well) a dick. Not exactly what I would call a "Hot Topic" if most of the posts are about calling out that you're a dick for whatever reasons and you whining about people judging you. [Bla Bla bla... more stuff about people not knowing what they are talking about yet entitled to their opinion]

On Superficiality:
No Issues with you there. You wanna go to the gym, comb your hair, wax your scrotum... go on ahead. Great to make a first impression before the mouth opens.
Kakami pretty much got the BMI stuff under wraps. I kept thinking how funny would it be to have that as a pick up line, "Hey baby, I got a BMI of 19. Lets Fuck" Hahahahahahaha....

On Being Alpha:
Whatever Ganesh said. Fact of the matter is you won't get many Alphamales commenting on your post since they pretty much think they are the shits and don't really care what anyone unrelated thinks. Again, props to Ganesh for bothering to write.

On talking dirty and being vulgar:

On Girls prefering Short, fat, Tall, Extra long nose hair, Mono-eyebrow, Hung like a Donk:
Girls just want a man that don't wear fairy dresses on weekends and have pedicure parties after the game. Your theory on that preference is as valid as a Leprechaun wearing a Easterbunny suit crawling down nonexistant chimneys to give kids a gold coin for their tooth. Losers will always try to find an excuse (fat/ thin/ looks etc) to explain their failure in women, and unfortunately this is more prevelant in the Asian society. Ask any girl - its nothing to do with that. Bet you girls wished more guys had game when asking them out. Michael Chu's a classic example: - GF thought he was a loser but still ended up with him.
I personally pity the girls for having the need to put up with such low quality game, but it certainly makes life easier for people like Ganesh.

Enough. I'm hungry and I gotta get some grub cause I've lost my train of thought.
Don't miss me while I'm gone and remember to put on your favourite colour lipstick before you start bitching again.

ezralimm said...

Props to Pokerbuddy for bothering to write lol.

Im kinda busy atm... will reply over coming week. Recommend subscribe by email for notification. cheers.

Monash meddie said...

Hey Ezra, I'm one of your course mates over at Monash.

To be honest, I don't know you very well and the only reason why I came to your blog was that I've heard from the others that it's incredibly ridiculous.

Now, I'm not here to criticise you on the content of your entry/ entries nor am I here to judge you based on your opinions. I was just wondering how much social awareness you think you have - do you think you are more popular now (among both guys and girls)? do you think you are in a better position to interact effectively (with both genders again)? Etc. I'm sure you understand that there are no right/ wrong answers to these questions and neither am I expecting you to prove anything by answering these. I'm just curious.

Frankly, the general consensus (at least the people around me) think you're a dick/ prick. I'm undecided because I don't think it's fair for me to judge you without actually getting to know you on a deeper level. You might get off by arguing that these people don't matter, but when close to 30-40 people think that there is something wrong with you, chances are there IS something wrong with you. Maybe it's a good time to do a popularity poll and find out what's going on - are you REALLY achieving as much as you perceive yourself to be?

Speaking to your peers (not just friends!) and asking for honest feedback would probably help you gauge how far you've come since you've implemented your changes. 30-40 people might be prejudiced against you, but it's still a number large enough to raise some causes for concern!

Cheers mate.

ezralimm said...

Monash meddie (MM), heya nice to know some of my peers are visiting this website...regularly I might add ;-)

In my quest for truth, I have stepped on more toes than I would have liked, and while a poll is a good idea, an anonymous online poll is not the way to go.

The response to my comments both in this blog and in the real world; with regards to my observations in the game of love/life; have been varied. Im sure some people took offence to those statements (even in the real world) - though the responses received were markedly different from those received anonymously online. A post about this apparent discrepency has already been drafted some time ago and should be out within a month or two.

Note that Creeped was posted way back in March 2009.

I have received alot of support from my friends and family and for that I am very thankful. That is the real reason why I dont care about anonymous hateful comments online.

Since early 2009, my circle of friends has been steadily growing but more importantly, close friendships have developed. How many people would come to my aid if I were to break a leg? The number has been steadily rising.

The above would have never happened if I had not realized what I did. The importance of thriving in life - physically, emotionally, and socially. You may not believe me, but I speak with confidence when I say that physical wellbeing is a great catalyst to emotional and social wellbeing.

After working on my physical wellbeing, I naturally found myself being more empathic. Just as important was the fact that other people (boys and girls alike) seemed to have greater interest in talking with me. It's hard to explain and I know it sounds absolutely shallow...but it's true! I mix with many people in the halls from all races - and this applies to everyone!

When I speak of my frank observations about how looks can determine the amount of attention a person gets, people tend to be offended. This is understandable - not everyone were Jocks/prom Queens in high school. Many people tell themselves that things like raw physical wellbeing has not much to do with personality and attractiveness...to feel good about themselves.

I bluntly commented otherwise (both in the real world and online) and understandably received alot of flak for it.

I did detect some antagonism and indifference from some members of our MBBS 2011 cohort after making some comments way back in 2008, but on the other hand, I also did receive alot of support from other members of our cohort. A few even contacted me in confidence to voice support as it had helped motivate themselves for self improvement.

If you believe I am being shallow so be it I dont care. What I am is irrelevant to the reality that I am trying to blog about. There are winners and losers in life. There are Jocks and there are Nerds. There are prom queens and the ugly betty's. I am not passing judgment on anyone... just commenting on reality. I am NOT saying nerds and Ugly Betty's cant be happy.

The issue of the value of physical wellbeing and attractiveness in the game of life is at the end of the day a very contentious one.

Do read The Pleasure Principle. Especially the last part of it that applies to my experience dealing with people.

I did find your post rather insightful. There are some things I cannot say online and I would like to have a chat with you someday. Give me a tick in real life if we should meet. Nothing like a chat over a hot cup of Java =)

Pokerbuddy, I'll be responding to many issues you raised in your comments in an upcoming post that has already been drafted. Stay tuned.

Monash meddie said...

Having read your posts I feel (may not have been your intention) that you seem to be objectifying love. At least that's the way its coming across to the reader. Like you know, putting a scientific spin on something that traditionally, science cannot comprehend. It makes people (including myself) uncomfortable because that's not how we like to go about handling issues of the heart. And to be quite objective, we'll never ever know if the school of thought you subscribe to is the right one or not. Are you going to run an RCT to prove your point? Haha. Wouldn't think so.

Personally, I think you're an ok-looking guy. A little scrawny (still) but not too bad. If I speak to you and you're a nice guy (I'm clueless about this) I would go out with you. Many of my girlfriends think you look fair enough and would go out with you too. I guess that's what you mean by creating more options for yourself by bettering your image - they wouldn't have gone out with you in the past because of your looks back then.

However, having read your blog - I wouldn't go out with you. Neither would any of my girlfriends. Even if you were a nice guy. And it's all because of the simple fact that we don't agree with the way you approach love. Once again, bear in mind that this doesn't mean you're wrong - it's just that you're not conventional and we find comfort in the familiar. But what it does probably indicate is that sometimes, somethings are better kept to yourself. You improve your image to create more options for yourself, but the content of your posts tarnishes that image and closes off some options. So effectively, while you've covered some ground, you've lost some ground as well! (Sorry I really didn't intend to be all egoistic and assume I'm some hot chick everybody wants to date but you get my drift)

In my opinion, you would have achieved a lot more by just working on your image while keeping your thoughts on how you should approach love to yourself. I can't imagine any girl coming to your blog and reading your posts and be ok with you dating them afterwards. I might very well be wrong but I just think that it's highly unlikely. The stuff you say just makes us (me and my group of girlfriends, 8 of us) all very annoyed and gets all of us thinking - who does this guy really think he is?!

Debates all stem from a difference in opinions and it's very clear that while you stand firm in what you believe in, other's don't. Are they right and you wrong? I don't think so. But neither does that make your opinions right and theirs wrong. That said, I must commend you for your honesty and bravery to state what you believe in and defend it when it comes under fire but yeah, I don't see eye to eye on you on several issues.

Still, I wish you the very best in your pursuit of happiness. Take care.

Post a Comment