Where The Advice of Others Failed...

This post was drafted on 1st Jan 2009, but was only published five days later as I was looking for a suitable picture and new border style. *thanks to anonymous (10/1/09) for pointing out the inappropriateness of the use of the word "elder". The post has been edited appropriately to make it more politically correct.

(1) A socially retarded person who spent his youth as an outcast once told his brother: "Friends are not important, they come and go..". But he did not tell his brother that it brought him much suffering during his youth. Through the pain of isolation, he had learnt to cope by telling himself that friends were not important to feel good about himself.

(2) An ugly person who only hooked up in his mid 30s and married when he was 39 told his teen friend: "Dont worry, someone will come along. Just focus on your work and dont be too concerned". But he did not tell his disciple that he had suffered years of loneliness, and at the end was so desperate that he had to settle for an unattractive girl that other guys had shunned. Married out of desperation... but called it love after awhile. He never experienced loving sex in the prime of his life... but his disciple never learnt this... and was doomed to follow in his footsteps.

(3) A fat person has been battling obesity for as long as he can remember and tells his friend: "Eat less. Dont eat so much. Eventually your stomach will expand and your appetite will become uncontrollable. You will become fat so fast. Look at me. Look at what happened to our friend who was once slim". But he forgot that his disciple was not a glutton. His disciple avoided overeating like the plague. He got used to suppressing his appetite. When times were rough, he missed meals but never bothered and never felt hungry. He lost weight to a point where he was a walking stick. When he realizes the fallacy of the advice he was give, precious years at the prime of his life has been wasted.

(4) A religionist is proud of his religion and regularly blesses marraiges. He tells his friend: "Marraige protects you against disease and increases your longetivity". But he didnt tell his friend that that was only a statistical correlation. Humans want to reproduce/marry/lay/make_babies with other humans who are worthy. Beautiful girls with hourglass figures and socially dominant men are at the top of the gene pool and are attractive and thus more likely to marry. Those that remain single all their life are likely to be those whom are not _thriving_ (a subject of a later post) and are thus so unattractive that they couldnt find someone who is willing to marry/make_babies/lay/bang them. People who are not thriving tend to be less attractive to the opposite sex. Hence, the real reason why people who never marry have shorter lives is that they are more likely to be less healthy. Healthy people tend to be more attractive and are more likely to marry.

Just because they have more experience than you does not mean that they are wise. They are wise only behind rose tinted glasses...believing what they want to believe. What makes them feel good about themselves. They are human beings and do have flaws. Im not saying that their advice is useless; quite often, it is to the contrary. What's important is to realize that prejudices and bias that can work against your development as a person may rub off on to you if advice is not taken with a pinch of salt.

(1) I will put more heart and mind into others for empathy is the prelude of friendship.
(2) I will open my heart to others, for it is better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all.
(3) I will eat well and in moderation.
(4) I will put effort into making myself body beautiful.

Most importantly, I will break the rose tinted glasses that have tainted my realities. I will not see what I want to see out of arrogance. In the face of adversity I will approach bitterness and pain with humility and calm. May god give me the strength to face my weaknesses and insecurities.

It is 2009, and this is my resolve.


Where the advice of others failed...I will succeed.

11 Comments:

Anonymous said...

good insight on this. Just on a previous post where u outlined your workout routine. Just wanted to give you some tips.

1) doing chest press is not enough. You need to do incline press to work on the upper part of your pecs and Machine Flyes (Pec Deck) to work the inner part. Or else it work look even.
2) Generally, it's not that good to work out your entire body in one day. You can split it into two categories, upper/lower OR pecs and back / shoulder and arm / legs. splitting it into 3 categories takes up over an hour.
3) doing two sets is not enough, you won't feel the burn in 2 sets. You need to feel the burn after working out as well (not just when u wake up)
4) if you want to gain weight, do minimal cardio. 20 mins is max. gaining 12kg in a year, after taking that much calories is far less. I know when you're trying to gain weight, you'll put yourself as the maximum weight when you weigh yourself. Your actual weight is in the morning when you have an empty stomach.
5) For cardio, skipping ropes/boxing is enough. unless u want to be a marathon running..and they are all very skinny.
6)go to your nearest GNC, ask for protein powder with high calories.
7)Also, it's important to change up some routines. For example, instead of doing military presses, you can do bench presses instead or free-weight bench presses.
8) Chest out for all exercises. As far as you can. If you didn't know already.

That's about it for the gym from me.

For the girls, I think you analyse things too much like what Tristan said in the chatbox. You analyse on how boys and girls act but never really talk about how to get a girl in the first place. Anyways, hope this helps. If it doesn't, i'll shut up =]

Kakami said...

"Beautiful girls with hourglass figures and socially dominant men are at the top of the gene pool and are attractive and thus more likely to marry."

where on earth did you get that?
likely to marry? people get married regardless of their looks.
when you get to sleep around with all the good looking ladies/men in sight, who'd wanna marry? that's an alternate reality for you to "analyze" dude

When attractive people get married, do you think everything gets all fine and dandy? im talking fidelity.
you gonna make up some bloody lines bout how unattractive people are more likely to cheat if they dont marry an attractive person, therefore when an attractive person shows interest they cheat?

it seems that not only does old age not automatically make one wise, neither does a few carefully crafted sentences prove one is any less of a jerk
You're one of those people who's gonna have to learn the hard way. if you ever learn that is....

ezralimm said...

Anonymous: good insight on this. Just on a previous post where u outlined your workout routine. Just wanted to give you some tips.
Ezra: Thanks for the compliment =) I've actually started doing isolation exercises in addition to the compound exercises. (LINK). I've been doing isolation exercises for pretty much every muscle group. For the deltoids, I do both the normal and reverse flys, and finish it off with a few sets on the lateral raise. I currently only do 2 sets, as I focus more on compound work (3 reps). I do however find your comments very helpful and will definitely integrate it into my next (wk4-6) workout routine. I am thinking of splitting my workout routine as i currently take about 1:40 to finish the session. That is waay too long. Im thinking of eliminating cardio alltogether on strength training days.

Got 1 month of holidays left. Im gonna go all out.
Day 1: Upper/Lower Compound Strength + Upper body Strength.
Day 2: Cardio focus.
Day 3: Upper/Lower Compound Strength + Lower body strength.
Day 4: Rest.

I dont feel I am ready for deadlifts yet...but the new routine will be more variable - I will alternate between machine systems and pulley based systems. Hopefully with this routine I could give the muscles more time to repair properly. The cardio on day 2 is to push Growth Hormone levels and up my metabolic rate. Been considering some supplement powders, but I find them to be too pricey and I dont see the necessity yet - I have not reached a plateau in my gains.

Anonymous: For the girls, I think you analyse things too much like what Tristan said in the chatbox. You analyse on how boys and girls act but never really talk about how to get a girl in the first place. Anyways, hope this helps. If it doesn't, i'll shut up =]
Ezra: Oooh.. I didnt mention it in my posts, but yeah.. I dont feel I am ready to approach girls romantically at the moment. THREE years ago (when I was severeley anorexic with a BMI of 16), I never really put much thought into why some girls whom I tried to show interest in were distancing themselves from me... I really wished I had analysed the situation earlier and realized that I was due to my physical inadequacies. Nevertheless... Tristan does bring up a good point. With health I can feel my confidence returning (and people's willingness to interact with me improving), and there should be no need to analyze anything. Love is a game of feel. You just know from the eye contact and body language that someone is interested in you.

Kakami: "Beautiful girls with hourglass figures and socially dominant men are at the top of the gene pool and are attractive and thus more likely to marry."
where on earth did you get that?

Ezra: The Darwinian Theory of Natural Selection

Kakami: likely to marry? people get married regardless of their looks. when you get to sleep around with all the good looking ladies/men in sight, who'd wanna marry? that's an alternate reality for you to "analyze" dude
Ezra: I hesitated for a long time before making that statement without giving the reason as to why I said it. All I can say here is that it was based on real life observations of people who have lived past their reproductive years without getting married. I decided that it would be too politically incorrect for me to post details of it on a public blog. If you would like to know more my contact details are on the right pane, just above the hit counter

Kakami: When attractive people get married, do you think everything gets all fine and dandy? im talking fidelity.
Ezra: Non-sequitur. I never touched on the topic of fidelity. I never said anything about marraige. It is a topic that I dont believe I have really touched in this blog - although I will likely touch on it in future. Just for the record: I _dont_ believe that marraige (between individuals who think they cannot do any better) will necessarily be peaceful/secure/loving. Please dont put words in my mouth

Kakami: you gonna make up some bloody lines bout how unattractive people are more likely to cheat if they dont marry an attractive person, therefore when an attractive person shows interest they cheat?
Ezra: Cool down Kakami. No need to get upset. My beliefs are really to the contrary. Stay tuned for further posts on this topic (or those similar). I will look forward to your comments.

Kakami: it seems that not only does old age not automatically make one wise, neither does a few carefully crafted sentences prove one is any less of a jerkYou're one of those people who's gonna have to learn the hard way. if you ever learn that is....
Ezra: Ad hominem. Ignored.

I dont know why some people get so upset whenever I discuss the role of attractiveness in the pursuit of a wife/husband/bf/gf/mistress/loverboy/swinging_partner. I am starting to feel that it is a sensitive issue for some people (see The Pleasure Principle). I could have taken the politically correct path of extolling the virtues of blind love and predestination, but the realist in me sees otherwise. I'd rather see bitter realities than live behind rose tinted glasses. Truth is truth, and it is my conviction that truth will prevail. If my understanding of the situation is correct and inline with the truth, then 2009 is slated to be an interesting year. Kakami, I have learnt the bitter realities of the game of love the hard way, experiencing it as an underdog... as a frail shell of a man - and I am determined to never let that happen again. I respect your right to presenting your opinions, and kindly request that ad hominems be avoided for I do not want to start a flame war on this blog. Rest assured I will not pass judgment on you and will respond to constructive comments to the best of my ability.


Regards,
Ezra

Kakami said...

Oh I dont mind if you pass judgment on me. least of my worries.

Lots of people get hurt and bitter from relationships.
When you get with a girl, she's not gonna keep looking at how "body beautiful" you are.
The thing that'll drive her away is most likely the fact that you keep bringing that up.
It's like attacking her attractiveness.

I dont think you're doing yourself much good if you feel you gotta beautify yourself in order to get a girl to notice you.
You're approaching the matter as a guy who believes these things you're doing are what girls want. You're guessing at what you think we want.

Some of the most good looking guys around are so obsessed with their looks it becomes and instant turn off.

Those girls who distanced themselves? It may be for your "physical inadequacies" as you say, but there's a possibility that it's the way you act round them. Hell if you were my guy friend I'd smack you and tell you to get over yourself.

oh im well aware that you didnt touch on marriage. although Im pretty sure you'd throw in that attractive/unattractive thing in your argument anyway.
Btw, i have seen your reality. I know how it feels. It's amusing how differently either of us turned out...

ezralimm said...

Differences between people, in opinions, culture and upbringing are what make the world a wonderful place to live in. Hence, your comments are really welcome; despite the presence of some ad hominems. They bring balance to the points raised in the posts and gives me some idea about how the post may be misinterpreted - you have already come up with numerous presumptions about me as a result of this. I will try to clear these presumptions when I have the time to make another update.

It is sad that you have arrived at a (premature) conclusion that I am some sort of vain pot. I blog about what is on my mind. As a person who is recovering from anorexia, physical wellbeing is the focus of my thoughts. I am well aware that pure animal magnetism is only part of the equation. Empathy and caring... the willingness to spend effort, both physical and mental, on a girl is equally paramount to the maintenance of a healthy, loving relationship. Other factors come into play as well. See the caveats section of this post (LINK) for more information.

I was totally oblivious to the importance of looks/sexual_attractiveness/raw_animal_magnetism prior to some very bitter experiences in my early 20s. I am not a vane person by nature. In life, you do need a bit of vanity to make yourself aware of how your looks influence those around you. Ignorant, I kept telling myself that character was what really counted in the game of love - and was proven dead wrong over and over.

Stay tuned to an upcoming post tentatively titled "Creep". I dont normally use colloquials, but I figured it was most appropriate in this circumstance. I have already drafted it in the most gender neutral (non sexist) way possible. Currently trying to take a nice photo to suit it's message.

-ez

Titus Tang said...

Yo Ezra!

Gotta say I personally agree with you to some extend. But to some extend only.

Aye to Tristan in your chatbox.
You're analysing too much, and forgeting to be human. When I say human, I mean flawed.

Life is simple, but it doesn't just follow a set of rules all the time.

Anonymous said...

"I am well aware that pure animal magnetism is only part of the equation. Empathy and caring... the willingness to spend effort, both physical and mental, on a girl is equally paramount to the maintenance of a healthy, loving relationship."

Most of this comes during a relationship. You need to know how to get a girl to like you first. You need to know how to read a girl. I know you know a LOT, probably too much for your own good, about this stuff. It isn't particularly healthy.

Go to clubs, even if you have to go by yourself. Trust me. You will learn a lot. All social dominant guys (in your terms) goes to clubs. You need to learn how to move like they move. Learn hiphop dance. Don't be embarrassed by it.

Most of the stuff you are learning is for later, for marriage. You sound like a guy that just wants to fool around until you want to settle down. I know people like that.

All socially dominant guys are players. They know how to flirt with girls. Talking with girls has to flow. No flow, no go. Reading articles about relationship will not help you.

You said you've had bitter relationships in your early 20s but in a previous post, you said "2009 would hopefully mark the end of a 3 year absence from the game of love." I don't mean to be offense but don't say you've had relationships before when you really haven't. friendship is not a relationship. Relationship usually means bf/gf. Eg, I'm in a relationship with this girl. Don't be disheartened by rejection. If you know how to read a girl, you won't have to be rejected.

Confidence. That is probably the most important thing you can have. Looks, social status, family background is all secondary to confidence. Without my confidence, I don't think I could get with a girl. Just imagine this, when you walk in anywhere (in malls, clubs, bars, etc), think that you are the best. That no one else is better than you. If someone is better looking than you, think that he probably isn't as smart as you. If someone is smarter than you, think that he doesn't have a better character than you, etc.

I have a lot more to say, if u want to talk. send me a message to my gmail account: anathema.3@gmail.com

ezralimm said...

Titus: Life is simple, but it doesn't just follow a set of rules all the time.
ezra: True. Rules mean little in practice...but principles do. What we learnt in uni may not ever be applied in the real world.. but the priinciples behind them remain true and applicable. I am moving towards these simple principles (eg. attractiveness) to improve the odds/likelyhood of finding a nice girl. It is not so much a rule as it is a paradigm resulting from an epiphany late last year.

anathema.3: Most of this comes during a relationship. You need to know how to get a girl to like you first. You need to know how to read a girl. I know you know a LOT, probably too much for your own good, about this stuff. It isn't particularly healthy.
ezra: True. Im just a guy with too much time during the holidays :) Some people drink. Some people play games. I blog.

anathema.3: Go to clubs, even if you have to go by yourself. Trust me. You will learn a lot. All social dominant guys (in your terms) goes to clubs. You need to learn how to move like they move. Learn hiphop dance. Don't be embarrassed by it. Most of the stuff you are learning is for later, for marriage. You sound like a guy that just wants to fool around until you want to settle down. I know people like that. All socially dominant guys are players. They know how to flirt with girls. Talking with girls has to flow. No flow, no go.
ezra: Yup. That is true. Probably will do soon once my weight has stabilized - Still having significant gains so I am going to continue training until I've reached a stable point. I digress that all socially dominant guys are players, for not all rich people are arrogant cocks, and not all beautiful girls are arrogant bitches who ignore unworthy guys. My primary motivation behind my recent initiative to make myself more physically attractive is to have a more powerful bargaining chip in the game of love - and to hopefully build a relationship with a woman I find reasonably attractive. I do not pass moral judgment on people, and in the same way a knife could be used to make dinner or murder someone, attractiveness could be used to find a lifelong soulmate or one night stands. Which path will I choose? When push comes to shove, I honestly do not know which path I will choose for I have never had to make that decision. Hence, I cannot answer that question truthfully even if I wanted to. That said, I do have convictions..but they are personal and I do not wish to share them with anyone. I will not reveal any of my political or religious beliefs on this public blog.

anathema.3: Reading articles about relationship will not help you.
ezra: I really wished I had read more articles about relationships in the past to realize the importance of having a decent physique. Never really read any articles on relationships, be it online or in print. What I've summarized in my blog is what i've learnt from experience and observation.

anathema.3: You said you've had bitter relationships in your early 20s but in a previous post, you said "2009 would hopefully mark the end of a 3 year absence from the game of love." I don't mean to be offense but don't say you've had relationships before when you really haven't. friendship is not a relationship. Relationship usually means bf/gf. Eg, I'm in a relationship with this girl. Don't be disheartened by rejection. If you know how to read a girl, you won't have to be rejected.
ezra: My definition of a relationship is when (1) the terms boyfriend/girlfriend/couple are used and (2) the word 'love' is expressed mutually in a romantic context (no, my highschool infatuations didnt count). Perhaps I should have mentioned that the relationships were not bitter all along. They both started out sweet... but unfortunately ended on a bitter note. I had lost in the game of love and they moved on to guys whom were more worthy/attractive. They left me for they felt that they could do better...and they were right at the time.

anathema.3: Confidence. That is probably the most important thing you can have. Looks, social status, family background is all secondary to confidence. Without my confidence, I don't think I could get with a girl. Just imagine this, when you walk in anywhere (in malls, clubs, bars, etc), think that you are the best. That no one else is better than you. If someone is better looking than you, think that he probably isn't as smart as you. If someone is smarter than you, think that he doesn't have a better character than you, etc.
ezra: I couldnt agree more. I'd like to add that confidence comes naturally when a person is thriving.. a subject of a future post that has yet to be drafted.

anathema.3: I have a lot more to say, if u want to talk. send me a message to my gmail account:
ezra: No worries. Keep the comments coming in. Sharing is caring no. Please use a pseudonym for easy reference when replying.

OT: It's 10 degrees over here in Australia for some reason. Awfully cold for summer. I cant imagine how it's like in Canada...

Anonymous said...

Ezra,

The more I read about your posts...The more it makes people puke...not because you are touching on the realities of truth...but the fact that you dont know what you are talking about.

A lot of reasoning, A lot of talk, but not much basis to it...Maybe to some extend...but after that extend, its entirely, swayed and biased..

ezralimm said...

Okay. I respect your opinion.

Suffice to say that I have no reason based on experience to believe otherwise.

Your experiences may have differed so it's probable you may have had a different experience. I'd like to hear it.

At the end of the day, things started going really well for me once I realized the simple realities that I blog about (albeit a bit long winded-ly yes i admit)

ezralimm said...

Dear Readers IP tracing is AWESOME!

I know for example that one of the anonymous posters above is the same angry/hateful commenter who posted in:

1) Where the advice of elders failed
2) Be A Man
3) Creeped
4) Two Tragedies.

That guy even found my picasa album that wasnt shared. Not bad. Eek... now im feeling stalked =P

Now that's stalking. It's funny how people who tell you to get a life often need to get a life themselves =P

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