"Why arent you going back over summer?"A question I get asked all the time.
To keep conversations short I usually say that I want to get a job and experience working in Australia. In reality, that is one very minor reason for staying over summer.
Staying Home Is Bad, Very Bad, For Me.
It is anticompetitive. There is no point staying at home hearing only what I want to hear. Mum tells me that someone will come along and not to worry. Dad just keeps on telling me about how he met mum despite to my knowledge not ever having any real opportunities with other women.
I know I will lead a very sedentry lifestyle back home. It is inevitable. The comforts and luxuries of home will just spoil me. I will have no motivation to do anything.
It has taken me almost two years living abroad to come to realize that:
1) In order stand a realistic chance with girls I find reasonably attractive, I absolutely must work on my 'animal magnetism'.
2) In order to build up a healthy social circle I must regain a genuine desire to click and connect.
'Animal magnetism' is quite a straightforward goal. I simply need to eat more of the right stuff (i dont believe in supplements), exercise (power/strength training, minimal cardio) consistently and keep stress levels to a minimum (to reduce my cortisol levels). I am already 12kg of lean mass heavier than I was a year ago (picture above). Still a bit thin, but much better.
Social wellbeing is a completely different animal. I know for a fact that I do not derive the same pleasure from social interaction as others. I am starting to wonder why. Why dont I have the motivation to talk and build relationships with other people? To sit down and click and take an interest in others - for the prequel to being sociable is empathy. Why do I lack this empathy? Have I been so spoilt by other earthly pleasures* that I have neglected this very important part of my general wellbeing? Have I spent too much time rotting at home before coming to Australia that I've lost the instinct to maintain my social wellbeing? Well, pointing fingers is useless now.. the bottom line is something has to change.
* the dopamine rush of first person shooters, good music, pron, movies etc.
Social deprevation I faced when I was anorexic a few months back made me realize that I need to put some serious mental effort into engaging other people more - but until I could find the inner motivation to do so, that will not happen. Having a good diet, enough sleep and exercise helps with this regard and makes me more outgoing and engaging. Hence, I will have to focus on these core issues if my plan to improve my social wellbeing were to succeed.
Staying at home I know I will have my parents and brother to interact with and I wont feel socially isolated. I am hoping that by staying in Australia over summer, I will experience social isolation that would create an inner desire, an inner craving, to be connected. If I could create a genuine desire to click and connect with other people, my social life would definitely improve. By click and connect I mean to have a greater sense of empathy towards others, for being sociable is not about being interesting - it is about being interested in other people.
To the small social circle I now have in the halls, if you are reading this, know that you guys do mean alot to me and are a cornerstone in my overall sense of wellbeing - I am really grateful to have you guys around.
In three words the simple reason why I want to stay over summer is that I want to:
"Be A Man."
*Image (c) Raine W. 2007
*Image (c) Raine W. 2007