The Big Red Chili

The Biggest Red Chili Ever.
That's a 1.5L bottle of coke btw.

It's quite surprising how easily misconceptions can form. Here I would like to clarify what my previous post was about - it had drawn far more attention than I expected.

so wat if u dont have a car... wat did u use to do wen u didnt even have a driving license? get a lift with ur rents or borrow the car for an evening. here's a thought, get a friend to pick u up and pay gas money or something if its that far.. or call a cabby... there are ways around it...

It's not so simple. The bottom line is that back home, I will be stuck indoors on a _majority_ of days. The lifestyle doesnt only promote complacency but also makes me a slob. Sure, I can always rent/borrow a car for the evening.. but it is relatively costly and when push comes to shove, will only happen a few times a month at most - the rest of the month will be spent rotting at home.

Here in australia, my lifestyle is remarkably different. For some reason I have the motivation to get up in the morning and do things productive. Freedom and the need to care for myself is a strong driving force to do things productive - it is nonexistant when I'm pampered at home.

cause if its jst to analyse urself and ur ways then ur jst gonna put urself down... go out and have fun and jst wing it...

I honestly wish I could "have fun and just wing it". I did try that for a good part of the year - especially in the early months of Hall Society 2008. Somehow, I didnt derive much pleasure from interaction with other people. Believe me, I tried (very hard) to mix, mingle and click - ultimately, it was unsustainable.

Not deriving much joy from social interaction meant that I did not remember names/birthdays/events/"things about other people" that well - further inhibiting my ability to click. Notice how all sociable people pay attention and remember things about other people? Notice how the people you find nice and sociable tend to know/remember things about you?

It is my perception of others that needs to change. I just sense that a bit of isolation will do me good; to create an inner desire/want/impetus to click, connect and put mental effort towards other people (ie. becoming more extroverted). This, combined with a healthy lifestyle, healthy diet, healthy body, and healthy mind should hopefully lead to a healthy social life, come 2009.

Q: Why dont you change yourself instead of your environment?
A: Like... DUH. First and foremost I work on changing myself. It's simply easier to do in australia than at home.

C: Stop blaming the environment! It's not the environment, it's you!
RE: Here's a simple example: Is it easy to study in a pub? No. Is it easy to study in the library? Yes. Is it easy to become independant pampered in your parent's home? No. Is it easy to become independent living alone, fending for yourself? Yes.

C: Looks/Attractiveness isnt important.. (or whatever words you may use to carry the same meaning)
A: Read THIS. I have answered this question in depth before. Also, look at ANY psychology text book. It has been proven over and over that looks/attractiveness/beauty is very important in building interpersonal relationships. Bottom line, in simple english: Ugly people are ignored. Beautiful people get attention. Ugly people have to settle for scraps. Beautiful people get choice selections of partners. People who deny this and say looks dont matter usually are the ones who did not get their choice selection of partners and had to settle for less...and called it love after awhile. ALTERNATIVELY they may be people who were lucky enough to have a person of their standard show interest in them - in that case i'd say that they are just being arrogant cocks.

Q: Are you trying to score/lay/fvck/bang a girl?
A: No. Re-read my previous posts for my motivation for doing this.

Q: Why dont you just go out more?
A: Yes, that is what Im actively trying to do. But that is not my problem. My problem is a lack of interest in other people inhibiting my ability to "click" so to speak.

C: All you need is confidence...
A: Confidence simply isnt an issue for me. If you are confident, come comment with your real name. I dont have any problems talking with people (boys and girls, beautiful and ugly alike) and have participated in numerous public speaking competitions. I am not a loner and yes I do have numerous acquaintances. When I speak about "building relationships" and "clicking" I am referring to building close friendships and hopefully a building a relationship with a reasonably attractive woman as well.

p.p.p.p.p.s google chrome sucks! Firefox rules =)

Be A Man.

One Year Ago*.

"Why arent you going back over summer?"
A question I get asked all the time.

To keep conversations short I usually say that I want to get a job and experience working in Australia. In reality, that is one very minor reason for staying over summer.

Staying Home Is Bad, Very Bad, For Me.

It is anticompetitive. There is no point staying at home hearing only what I want to hear. Mum tells me that someone will come along and not to worry. Dad just keeps on telling me about how he met mum despite to my knowledge not ever having any real opportunities with other women.

I know I will lead a very sedentry lifestyle back home. It is inevitable. The comforts and luxuries of home will just spoil me. I will have no motivation to do anything.

It has taken me almost two years living abroad to come to realize that:

1) In order stand a realistic chance with girls I find reasonably attractive, I absolutely must work on my 'animal magnetism'.
2) In order to build up a healthy social circle I must regain a genuine desire to click and connect.

'Animal magnetism' is quite a straightforward goal. I simply need to eat more of the right stuff (i dont believe in supplements), exercise (power/strength training, minimal cardio) consistently and keep stress levels to a minimum (to reduce my cortisol levels). I am already 12kg of lean mass heavier than I was a year ago (picture above). Still a bit thin, but much better.

Social wellbeing is a completely different animal. I know for a fact that I do not derive the same pleasure from social interaction as others. I am starting to wonder why. Why dont I have the motivation to talk and build relationships with other people? To sit down and click and take an interest in others - for the prequel to being sociable is empathy. Why do I lack this empathy? Have I been so spoilt by other earthly pleasures* that I have neglected this very important part of my general wellbeing? Have I spent too much time rotting at home before coming to Australia that I've lost the instinct to maintain my social wellbeing? Well, pointing fingers is useless now.. the bottom line is something has to change.

* the dopamine rush of first person shooters, good music, pron, movies etc.

Social deprevation I faced when I was anorexic a few months back made me realize that I need to put some serious mental effort into engaging other people more - but until I could find the inner motivation to do so, that will not happen. Having a good diet, enough sleep and exercise helps with this regard and makes me more outgoing and engaging. Hence, I will have to focus on these core issues if my plan to improve my social wellbeing were to succeed.

Staying at home I know I will have my parents and brother to interact with and I wont feel socially isolated. I am hoping that by staying in Australia over summer, I will experience social isolation that would create an inner desire, an inner craving, to be connected. If I could create a genuine desire to click and connect with other people, my social life would definitely improve. By click and connect I mean to have a greater sense of empathy towards others, for being sociable is not about being interesting - it is about being interested in other people.

To the small social circle I now have in the halls, if you are reading this, know that you guys do mean alot to me and are a cornerstone in my overall sense of wellbeing - I am really grateful to have you guys around.

In three words the simple reason why I want to stay over summer is that I want to:

"Be A Man."

*Image (c) Raine W. 2007

The Fake Humility of Ugly.

Head in the sky.

Ugly. Alone. Outcast. Nobody wants to talk to you. People walking by say hi but never hello. You crave for attention. You want people to give you attention. But you were so socially isolated you never learnt that the prequel to clicking is empathy. You blast your awkward ideas into conversations hoping for a response that you never truly get. You wonder why you dont have a best friend. Everyone you know are just acquaintances, friends for a fleeting moment.

A boy notices that you are down and gives you a bit of attention. You welcome his attention. You enjoy his company. He grows fond of you, and despite a little social awkwardness, likes your humble quiet personality.

Time passes. Less ugly. You start to build up your social life. You revel in the attention you finally receive. A confused boy supports and encourages your efforts. Seasons change. Your self confidence picks up. You take the boy for granted. You expect attention but are unwilling to give anything in return.

The naive boy wakes up. He realizes he has become a cuddle b1tch. "But maybe she's just shy?", he thought. So he tries to reason with her to no avail.

The foolish boy lets you know why he wants to turn away. He makes it very clear to you that "IT IS WRONG TO LET A GUY SPEND TIME/EFFORT/MONEY/HEART ON YOU IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN HIM!!". She acts like nothing happened..ignoring moments of intimacy and says "We're just friends". He feels betrayed. He knows he wouldnt have spent as much time/effort/money/heart if he knew you weren't interested earlier on. He realizes that he has been played on. Could have he misinterpreted your behaviour? He thinks not. There are some things 'just friends' simply dont do with one another.

The month of forgiveness beckons. The stupid boy decides it's time to resume platonic relations. "People change after all" he thought to himself... He was wrong. While enjoying his hospitality, and in the presence of company, you have the audacity to gloat about how some older single guy is willing to spend thousands of dollars to fly to australia to see you. even though you have no interest in him as a lover and see him only as a friend. Arrogance. Have you learnt nothing?


Note: Comments for this post have been disabled - people were getting the wrong idea. This post serves to highlight what I would like to refer to as arrogance in the context of relationships. It is not gender specific as the post may imply. Consider the following:
1) Girls that abuse their beauty/attractiveness to get free dates / dinners /movies / trips with guys they are not really interested in. They give the guy false hopes and when push comes to shove, they will use the 'just friends' excuse - regardless of whatever intimate moments they may have shared.
2) Guys that abuse their position/power/dominance to get companionship/intimacy with women they are not really interested in. They give the girl false hopes and when a prettier girl comes along, they will tell the girl that they are not meant to be etc.

This post is about how some people are humble in the context of relationships when they are unattractive/ugly... but become arrogant when they perceive that they are receiving more attention from others.

I have no respect for these people. Boy or girl.