This Boy

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... there is someone else in the picture.
on my mind.
i'm sorry,..



This boy wants to play,
There's no time left today,
It's a shame 'cause he has to go home.

This boy's got to work
Got to sweat just to pay what he gets to get left all alone.

I'm still here,
But it hasn't been easy,
I'm sure that you had your reasons,
I'm scared for this emotion,
For years I've been holding it down,

And I,
Love to forgive and forget,
So I,
Try to put all this behind us,
Just,
Know that my arms are wide open,
The older I get, the more that I know.

Well it's time to let this go.
I got to let it go
I got to let it go...

~ This Boy, by James Morrison

Of Death, Dance and Burgers.

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Hazelwood Power Station, Churchill.


Rural placement, second time around. Just after what was - both physically and emotionally - a very tiring weekend. The long drive to churchill was tiring and I did feel sleepy, but Zep and Charmaine were in the car with me so it wasnt too dangerous.

Spent a day at the GP clinic which was awesome. Like 50 PCL cases squished into a day with a GP as my dedicated tutor. Also spent a day at Latrobe Regional Hospital and had a taste of the life as a medical officer. Dr Sanjiv and Dr James guided me through the patients in the Critical Care Unit where I was stationed. It was quite an eye opening experience. People get into that unit for a variety of reasons. There was one guy with multiple organ failure. It was interesting to see the way Dr Sanjiv, the supervising CCU consultant told his (adult) children that life support was about to be ended. He was in a semi lucid state and there wasnt any obvious sign of distress. He was quite bloated from renal failure (aneuria). I felt pitting oedema for the first time. He was given morphine for pain relief and adrenaline to hold his blood pressure up. That afternoon, they started decreasing the infusion of adrenaline. He has likely passed away by now.

Doctors deal with death more often than other professions, and are constantly reminded of their mortality. Perhaps that is one of the factors that shape doctors mindset and personality. The so called "perfect" human being simply isn't. Pretty much everything that can go wrong will go wrong. We try to make the most of the cards we are dealt, but no matter how hard we try, life's still a game of russian roulette. Those with the genetic predisposition to cancer and heart disease simply have more bullets in the revolver.

I spent a day at the old folks resort as well. Hazelwood House was like a 4 star hotel. Spoke to a 87 year old veteran of the Normandy invasion. He made it a point that we should all travel as much as we can while we are young. He was bright and cheerful, but for a moment, his mood changed as he spoke about the most depressing aspect of living in an old folks home: Seeing those around you slowly deteriorate, lose their dignity and independence, then die.

Ok, rural placement wasnt all grim. Went for a retro party at the Gippsland campus where we were staying. I was on the dancefloor when i felt someone rub against me. Turned around and used my tie to reel her in. (!!!) Suddenly i realized that her bf was just beside her. Steph who was next to me couldnt stop laughing. Overall, rural week was all good. It felt more like a holiday than an actual placement. Expanded my culinary knowledge abit. Making belacan fried rice and tandoori chicken for 12 people was quite an experience.

Got back on friday night. Driving 200km that day was quite tiring. The guys wanted to go to Nandos that had just opened nearby, but it was too crowded so we ended up going to a diner on Scott's reccomendation. We all had an AUD15 burger (picture). But i say it was worth every penny. It had at least AUD5 worth of meat in it, and 6 slices of beetroot (yes i counted), along with bbq sauce and mustard. Balanced flavour despite having so, so, so much meat. None of the sauces were overpowering like the cheap tomato "sauce" they put in the McD burgers. The patty just melts in your mouth. It is served with curly fries done right, along with a salad to balance the flavours. Hmm, i feel like making my own gourmet burgers now. Man food. Hell yeah.

A Fleeting Moment

Sunset, St Kilda Pier


Late Sunday night, the clock was ticking ever so quickly. The day had come to an end before we finally found a place where we could be alone. A metal bench offered little comfort from the cold. But we had each other...


(The sound of silence was broken)


I want to stop looking.

... I dont want to hold you back.

(somberly, she looked down and shook her head slowly...)

I wish I could foresee the future but I could not.

...

you look like you are going to cry.

Couldnt we at least work towards being together?

I want to plan but i cant foresee the future... so why plan?

Promise me you'll let me know if you've found someone else...

(Nodding subtly) I promise I'll let you know too.

Come down and visit us some time...

I will..

A fleeting moment in my life.

Happy and at peace, sans lust! The awareness that the moment was so fleeting brought me sadness and insecurity - the reflection of which permeated through my elation. I wasnt about to cry. I was just so happy and sad at the same time I didnt know what to think or say.